tg1911

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was: "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?" The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on t

Paul, a guy on the local beach, just couldn't make it with any of the girls, so he heads over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him. "Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them baggy old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Spandex Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' you man... you'll have all the babes you want!" The following weekend, Paul hits the beach with his spanking new tight S

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter, being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one s

A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair ....given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional

A professor at Texas A & M University was giving a lecture of the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you

I particularly like #'s 4, 9, 10, and 12. 1. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? 2. How many personal injury lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three one to change the light bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and one to sue the ladder company. 3. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, tw

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight, that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing, on the lower half of the form, what remedial action was taken. Then the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your damn cat."

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons Civil Engineers build targets. "Normal" people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet" An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wi

FEMALE PRAYER: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, And knows the answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. Amen. MALE PRAYER: I pray for a blind-deaf-m

I thought I'd seen that one before. After going through some of my jokes I found it. It was part of a 4 question test with a bonus question. That was the bonus question. Here's the first 4 questions of the test: Test for Dementia Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are. Ready? GO!!! (scroll down) First Question: You are participating in a race You overtake the second person. What position are you in? . . . . . . . Answer: If you answered that

Now that's the way to cut grass.

Your quite welcome, flashh4. Wasn't sure if that was what you were talking about. Glad it worked out for you.

64.........worse than I thought

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ........Pipex!!!!

A LITTLE??

A dog psychic?

Thanks, Chappy. This is going to come in handy!

Ahhhhhh, the good ole days. Sure do miss them, somrtimes.

I have several Notepad documents that I keep my links, and canned speechs in. If you want a link to work, you have to save the link coded, using BB Code (or whatever code other boards use). This, [URL=http://www.besttechie.net/]Besttechie[/URL], best site on the net. will give you this (when copied and pasted from Notepad): Besttechie, best site on the net. Just put in the URL, and the name/text, you want to use. This, [URL=http://www.besttechie.net/][COLOR=red][SIZE=5][B]Besttechie[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/URL], best site on the net. will give you this: Besttechie, best site on the net. I think,

I'll be waiting, too. Sounds like a right handy feature.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY .Canoeingkidd!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ....mlegg510!!!!

The only "restore" feature that I know of, in Ad-aware, is the Quarantine feature, which is what I use. Instead of clicking Next, to have it fix the problems, click the Quarantine button. I usually keep them in Quarantine for about 2 weeks. If I don't have any problems, I delete them. If you do have problems, you can restore them, scan again, then Quarantine the ones you know aren't required.