[Redneck Fishing Boat]

Chappy,

That's as redneck, as one can get!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hey i like that

only just had time to read all the posts

rednecks are all round the world

we have em as well

good one chappy

i used to be a fisherman.

but that one is to modern for me

marty

[Questions -canadians]

heres another i flogged from billmallenson

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the

coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair

smells nice After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her

complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she

wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human

Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually

threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

[Questions -canadians]

marty,

Did you send this to TK?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

no not yet

i posted here first

i wanted chappy to see it

he is a canadian they have plenty of humor

marty

[Questions -canadians]

Oh, Canada

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 winter Olympics, the following are some questions people all over the world over are asking.

These questions (and answers) about Canada were actually posted on an international Tourism Website.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What, did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare it by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[.:computer Keeps Slowing Down?!?!?!?!:.]

im in traing to do logs at COYOTE, & im not supposed to tell you how & what to remove but i can tell you this can slow your computer O3 - Toolbar: IPrive - {AEE46806-2C5A-4a4e-A5DD-B4531F64A187} - C:\PROGRA~1\IPrive\TBIPrive.dll

O16 - DPF: {15AD6789-CDB4-47E1-A9DA-992EE8E6BAD6} - http://static.windupdates.com/cab/CDT/ie/bridge-c18.cab

si a delivery service for advertiseing, but wait for an expert to comfirm & clean your computer !!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

flashh4

yo flash its good to see how much youve progressed since you started on this forum.

keep up the good work.

hope your tutoring at cyotes goes well

good luck

marty

[Good One]

thanks for your encouragement

blim

some times i get these mental blocks

when i think of some that is worring me

and i unconsciously type with out thinking

im a poor typer

so i tend to type without thinking. instead of thinking then type

until i got this compt

i had never typed any thing in my life

so i do have problems and tend to make mistakes.

also i try to go to fast

and make a lot of spelling mistakes

and strangly i was a brilliant speller at school

but that was with a pencil and pen

this k-board is a different matter

luckly the posters on this board

are understanding

and tend to let me ramble on

and im gratefull to them

i remember when i was at techtv

some asked me if i was backward

at first i was angry a human trait

and my reply was

kiss my just below and just above

but i thought about it later and went back to the post and

got on my knees so to speaks

and said sorry.

marty

[Doctor]

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have her

baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,

lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly, I noticed that there are several cabs and I was in the

wrong one.

************

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an

elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," the patient

said sadly.

************

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not

more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest

of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

*************

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity

test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,

Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line

perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I

requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E

on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly

what I had asked. He was standing there with both his eyes

covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

***************

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his

cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble

with one of his medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The

patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and

now I'm running out of places to put it!" The doctor had him

quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see; the

man had over fifty patches on his body. Now the instructions

include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. And

you always wondered why instructions always seemed to state the

obvious!

**************

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,

"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete

confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years, when my

husband was alive.

**************

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your

breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky

Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient

replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a

foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

****************

A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She

asked, "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he answered. She asked, "Does

it work?" "Yes," he answered. "Can you get it over the counter?"

she asked. "I can if I take two," he answered.

[Ubuntu Dual Boot]

ok im looking forward to getting ubuntu on my sys

i like any linux oses but i found you have to be right on target

especially with a dual boot with xp

when i had mandrake windows used to block the mbr

and i couldnt access the hdd that had mandrake

but forme to have a sys i had to use xp until i was able to get help with linux

now i have ubuntu i like the look of it

ive seen it on a stand alone sys

and i like the look of it

i emailed the company for a cd and they sent me

six of them to give away

and naturally i gave one to my self .

when reformatted

i tried it on a spare drive

and i liked it but couldnt get the modem configured

but with

iccaros's

help. it looks as tho i may be able to get over that hurdle

so ile probably be up all night loading ubuntu

so wish me luck

marty

[Windows 3.1]

Yes, that would be no problem to do. Just waiting to see if martymas has it going or needs it.

hi team no matter what i try i cant get it to boot to 3.1

it looks as tho i need a 3.1 disk

of as some of you have posted

that file that is giving the error messge

i not sure waht to do at this stage

would i be able to go on the net with my compt and down load that file

to a floppy or a cd

and transfer it to this 3.1

i will do as mac has posted and go and find that file

JSKY

yes i will probable need progman.exe

but im going to need the help of you all

as im a complete dunce at this

i appriciate your input

thanks to all

marty

[Ubuntu Dual Boot]

hi i have xp on a 10 geghdd as the primary master and ive just purchased a 20 geghdd which ive configured as the primary slave.

for me to dual boot ubuntu and xp do i need to

change those hdd settings or will it dual boot like it is.

my other Q

i just read a link iccaros

posted on ubuntu dialup

will my modem which is a  xh1145dse modem56k pci intel ham v2

dial me up to the inernet or will i have to buy another modem

my modem does not have windows drivers.my drivers are on a cd

tho when i go to up dates it asks if i want to install the win driver.

which ive resisted for some time now

having a linux product in mind .

when i bought the modem i asked that it be linux compatable

and this is the one ive ended up with .

would those instructions. on the link iccaros

sent.be compatable to my dial up modem

        thanks

marty

your hard drives are fine. Ubuntu should recognize your modem. if not lets cross that bridge when you get there.

as for loading windows drivers. thats fine.. it does not effect what Linux will do .

rules for dual booting.

load windows first.

use a live CD like knoppix to create partitions on the second drive

xhost +
sudo su
qtparted

this will start a partitions tool "like" partition magic.

hi ive just got back to your post

and im about to try ubuntu on the the spare drive which i have as the slave

do i need to change it to the master boot

my other Q

when install ubuntu

will it give me the option to install it on the that spare drive .

marty

[Ubuntu Dual Boot]

are you sure xh1145dse is the correct model number? I was not able to get any hits on it using google.

sorry bout the mistake

the modem type is

xh1154dse modem56k-pciintel hamv2

marty

sorry bout the mistake

the modem type is

xh1154dse modem56k-pciintel hamv2

marty

[Good One]

im just not having a good day

i posted on the wrong page

sorry for that

hope you guys dont mind

marty

[Windows 3.1]

hey thanks for posting

i can get the 3.1 screen then it goes back to dos

with the message

there was an error in the progman.ese

im not sure what this means

ive tried typing win at the prompt

but it revert backs to that message

what ever i type

i even tried typing

win / and i tried devery letter in the alpha bet

on one of them [i cant remember wich one]

it let me check the disk

and when it finished itm said it repaired 44 clusters

i think, it was going so fast i didnt get time to read it .

so im at a stale mate

i went to a site for 3.1 for help but it didnt give me what i wanted

i went to trade me on the net but there werent any 3.1 for sale

that is a local site just like ebay

is there any site i can go and install 3.1

to a cd

ide like to have a go at it

winxp

spoils my compt thinking it is so simple

but 3.1 and dos is a challenge

marty

[Windows 3.1]

hi team not sure how to discribe this

ive had this compt given to me to try out

and it has

windows 3.1

it boots through dos but i cant get it to boot to 3.1

it hasent got the 3.1 disk

so does any one know the dos command

to boot to 3.1

havent seen one of these for years .

ide like to have a crack at it but i need your help

i think bearskin

has 3.1 expertise

any ideas

thanks

marty

[Salesman]

hey team i got it

i think

marty

thanks dick

Hi Marty - I edited your post to remove the URL tags as they are not needed and they just showed up as text.

Dave

[Salesman]

I use this one a lot:

http://bestsmileys.com/pageindex.htm

If you want to copy and paste from it you need to open it in IE, not FF. Click on the icon itself (not the URL).

Lots of Smilies available there.

DICK

thanks dick

ive been in contact with sultan

so those 2 sites wiil be handy

thanks again

marty

[Salesman]

hi echobay that was one of the sites i had before i formatted

has sultan posted .

thanks for the link

marty

[Reformat A Hd Back To Ntfs]

me to tictoc

i did the same as jimras but my drive had 4 partitions

from ubuntu i havent a clue why but i deleted those partitions

and the sys recognised my new drive .

it was a learning experience for me

as in the past some one had done it for me .

so im glad it was a success for jimras

and a lesson for us all

marty

[Salesman]

Good one, marty.

hi tg1911

have you got any smilie sites

ive been to google but all the ones i accessed are full of ads and if i hadent had my cookies set at prompt i would have been full

of ads .

i went to check my blocked cooky site and i blocked

10 ads from those sites.

fast click and double click were the most prominent

i was so p-------d off i thought i would come here and see if

any one

and smilie site ad free

i had one in my favourites but ive just got another hdd

and ive reformatted

and as usual i didnt save those sites to a disk

any ideas

marty

[Michael Jackson Virus]

hi team on the local chanel a virus i circulating

in email

with the subject line re;suicidal attempt

and the text:

last night while in his netherlands ranch

michael jackson

made a suicide attempt

this is from the sucurity company sophos.

so beware out there

i expected one of these

i hope these bxxxxxxxxds die of poker

up the ar-------s

marty

[Going Off-line For A Bit]

hi hitest

tho i dont visit this forum much hitest is a friend of mine

and i hope he isnt away to long.

tho if i get my post answered in the other linux forum i will be a regular vistor here

good luck

hitest

marty

[Ubuntu Dual Boot]

hi i have xp on a 10 geghdd as the primary master and ive just purchased a 20 geghdd which ive configured as the primary slave.

for me to dual boot ubuntu and xp do i need to

change those hdd settings or will it dual boot like it is.

my other Q

i just read a link iccaros

posted on ubuntu dialup

will my modem which is a xh1145dse modem56k pci intel ham v2

dial me up to the inernet or will i have to buy another modem

my modem does not have windows drivers.my drivers are on a cd

tho when i go to up dates it asks if i want to install the win driver.

which ive resisted for some time now

having a linux product in mind .

when i bought the modem i asked that it be linux compatable

and this is the one ive ended up with .

would those instructions. on the link iccaros

sent.be compatable to my dial up modem

thanks

marty

[Ethernet Card]

hey guys thanks for info on ethernet cards

the reason i asked a friend of a friend of a friend

was trying to prepare an older compt

for his niece

and he was having trouble setting up the ethernet connection

i had a feeling it was internet connection

but i didnt want to say that until i was sure

are older compts set up for ehter connection .

or are they mainly for dial up[ connection.

im going to eamail your links so he can work it out for himself

thanks you guys as always

you are very helpful

sorry i haven been able to get back sooner

ive had trouble with the hdd i had xp on

so i had to change to another drivge.

makes me wonder why we keep perservereing

marty

[Block G4's Ads]

i use IE and i dont get ads

tho at g4 the ads tend to slow my sys slightly

i set my cookies to prompt and block.

and i havent had ads for quite some time

ive used firefox and tho it blocks ads

there were other issues

it was for everlasting changing my cookies settings.

and my screen resizing

i posted several times. but no one wanted to admit firefox hads its

problems.

all firefox users wanted to place it as the perfect browser.

so i had no alternative but to uninstall it. i didnt know how to fix it

when i uninstalled it.. it still left me with the problem of that resizing.

now before any one wants to answer this post.

ive had firefox on twice.

and both times i had these two problems.pete tried to help.

but hes used firefox since it came to being.so he knows how to fix problems.

luckly i have screen adjustments on my monitor

but i shouldnt have to keep readjusting my screen

resizing.

i posted at g4 to try and get it fixed

and all i got was a backlash from firefox users

that my post was anti firefox

when all i wanted was some way to fix it.

woudnt a response like that make you anti firefox,

i also posted at worldstart

but i didnt get one answer.

marty

[Salesman]

hi team i thought this was clever and funny

A young Newfoundlander moved to California and went to a big mega-department store looking for a job.

The manager said, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Newfoundland."

Well, the boss liked the Newfoundland kid (of course) so he gave him the job.

"You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss said, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One."

"Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"$101,237.64"

"$101.237.64? What did you sell?"

"I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Sea Ray.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Suburban."

"A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

"No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot -- you might as well go fishing.'