martymas
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Posts posted by martymas
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Hmmm...I think this one may be better suited for the "Chat" or "On The Web" forums, rather than the Comedy Club, since they're not jokes.
Whaddya think?
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>
yo chappy
yes you are right
i didnt think of it at the time
but yes transfer it to on the web forums
it was emailed to me and i just copied and pasted it
marty
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hi team ive looked at some of these but not all
i cant vouch for their safety
but they come from a reliable site
if your in doubbt scan them
ive scanned them and found the clean but you never know
marty
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hi screi
il_wiccan has had a death in the family
he emailed some one at g4
we had a thread going for some time and it may have been chappy who reported on il_
i hope he is ok
as he was a big help on the boards
marty
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yp chappy
yes recently i helped a friends wife to set up a compt he is a resaerch scientist at the antartic
next morning she rand ans said i cant get this thing going
when i went there to help
she hadent turned the wall plug
because she thought it ran by a battery
and couldnt find where the batterry fitted
i didnt laugh
because i thought perhaps i may have been like that when i started
marty
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ha ha ha there are true quotes there good one
marty micheal cambell
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Real 911 Calls
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Hi, is this the Police?
Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering.....does the fire department put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the fire department could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
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Little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
marty
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ha ah aha
that was funny
dont think ide be game enough to do that
my bum isnt pretty enough
marty
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ok robroy why have i got c; drive and f: drive visable in my compt
now.
i had it once before when i had mandrake 9.1
a friend did it for me
he did it in disc managagement
he said if you have to many partitions your drive will dissapear from my compt
how ever i wont persever with it
i still have the modem thing to deal with
its a pity
ide like to have tried it
im not techminded enough to go on with it .
marty
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THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences......
He thought he was God and I Didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith andWesson.
30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.
May Your Troubles be Less, Your Blessings More, and Nothing But
Happiness Comes Through Your Door!
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ok ive got my compt to recognise the f drive but it is the partition with nothing on it
the partition i want recognised is the one with
ubuntu on it
im afrais ile have to uninstall it becuse i cant get any satifaction out of this board
there are several of us with the same problem
and all we get is blame microsoft instead of trying to get round the problem.
if this is the sort of help board. god help linux for help.
because it isnt here.
ile have to try some where else
marty
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dont kill yourself trying to get windows to see and access the linux filesystem. it'll never happen(at least for know).
although ive heard of a program to allow accessing ext2 (and maybe ext3) filesystems.
as iccaros said, blame ms
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>
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Microsoft will never see your linux partiton for two reasons, one microsoft does not want you to dual boot with another OS and two they did not include any drivers. Linux includes drivers for Windows and Mac, BSD ... so its by far not Linux's fault..
you can call Microsoft and ask what to do, there are a few ext/reiser drivers for windows if you search google but most are poorly written, if you must share between them create a fat partition that both can read and write to.
maybe Microsoft will become unaragent and learn that they are not the only OS in the world.
This is just one more weekness in the Windows.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>
hi iccaros
i had the same trouble with mandrake
windows wouldnt let me see the drive with
mandrake on it
and now im having the same trouble with ubuntu
i believe it wondows blocks the mbr
a friend got round it by putting the 2 oses on the one drive instead of two drives
but i do not know how to do that
ive tride shifting the jumper pin back to to the
master slave position
but it tells me there is a boot error
so i had to take the jumper pin out and use the drive without a jumper
as a slave in fact
and that gives me the option to boot either way xp or ubuntu
but i cant see the drive with ubuntu.
i spent most of the night surfing ubuntu
and i like what i see
so some of us are at a stale mate
the problem is i need
xp at the moment
if iwas competent with ubuntu
ide leave xp alone for a while
ive tried the linux help board
and ive posted my Q
on their board
but havent got an answer for 4 days
marty
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Hi Marty
I had the same thing and I figure it is because the drive is formatted in a way that Windows won't recognize. I WAS able to delete the partition using disk management but then the Linux files were all lost.
Sorry I can't be of help but I thought I'd give you my observations so you know that you're not the only one to have this problem.
Jim
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>
hi jimras,
i think robroy was having the same trouble
in all the time ive had any thing to do with linux this has been the problem
perhaps we need to change the jumper.
im just not cinfident enought o do that.
are you still having that problem
as well im going to have to configure my dial up
so ive plenty of work ahead of me
thanks
marty
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hi team ive installed ubuntu on a slave drive.
and on the master drive i have winxp.
my slave drive that has ubuntu dosent show up in my compt.
but does in disk management
ive 488 mgs in partition
i presume the reason is one is fts and the other is ntfs
what do i need to change so the drive with ubuntu shows up in
my compt
would deleteing the 488 partition help.
other than that.
i would have to uninstall ubuntu
and i dont really want to do that .other than that ubuntu works fine
i have the choice to boot to either win or ubuntu.
which is fine by me.but i need to see that drive with ubuntu so i can check the and defrag the disk
ect.
any ideas
thanks
marty
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hi team
some days ago i posted on having a dual boot with winxp and ubuntu
after a few miss and hits ive finally got a choice of what ever OS
i need either xp or ubuntu
i was wary about the dial modem but
iccaros
said until we meet that hurdle.get ubuntu on first
ok i need your advice how do i configured the dial up modem
my modem is a dse 56k xh1154 ham pci intel v2
i have the modem driver cd if it is any help
i would appreciate any info
and help
im quite excited about this venture
ive had mandrake 9,1 before but i think my cd is corrupted
i like linux but im not brainy enough to set it all up
thanks in advance, i have many q to ask later
reading through robroys post my set up is simliar
xp on the master and ubuntu on the slave.
i hope this is right
marty
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hi ive sent your replys on
so thanks
marty
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Excellent site marty!
The lil' eyes are cool!
When you're in the dark, like at bedtime...Did you ever see the thousands of red spots coming at you?
No echo...Just you!
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>
yes i did
my neighbor
has those illusions after
a bottle of johnny walker
marty
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Poor mom.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>
hi hand plane
i looked at that with my eyes closed hahaha
i can relate to that
marty
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hi team i asked the lady who sent this story if she had any tips for dads
marty
'm not just a Mom......
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A woman named Emily renewing her driver's license at the DMV office was asked
by the clerk to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to
classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the clerk, "do you have a job, or are
you just a .....?
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation. 'Housewife' covers it," said the clerk
emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same
situation, this time at our local police station. The clerk was obviously a career
woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title like, "Official
Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human
Relations."
The clerk paused, pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not
heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant
words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black
ink on the official questionnaire!
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your
field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I
have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't?), in the laboratory
and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (the whole bloody family), and already have Three credits, (2 daughters and a son). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in
the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day,
(24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most
run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the girl's voice as she completed
the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
When I got home, buoyed by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab
assistants--ages 5, and 4. Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental
model, (a 22-month-old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new
vocal pattern. I felt I had triumphed over bureaucracy! And I had gone on the
official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind
than "just another Mom."
Motherhood: What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the
door.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child
Development and Human Relations," and great-grandmothers "Executive Senior
Research Associates"??? I think so!!!
I also think it makes aunts "Associate Research Assistants."
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a friend wants a link to slackware 6.1
any ideas
im haveing problems with ubuntu
so i cant help him
thanks
marty
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hi team you need to set your cookies to prompt as there is a few ads not dangerous but annoying
set your cookie at first party to prompt ans third party to block
after you can go bakc in and chang them back
Slightly Adult
in The Comedy Club
Posted
Viagra Ad Slogans!
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Viagra Ad Slogans
The Top Ten ad slogans under consideration for Viagra:
10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"
9. Viagra, The quicker-pecker-upper!
8. Viagra: Like a rock!!!
7. Viagra: When it absolutely, positively HAS to be there
tonight.
6. Viagra: Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra: Reach out and TOUCH someone.
4. Viagra: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
3. Viagra: Tastes great!......... More filling!
2. Viagra: We bring good things to LIFE!
And the number ONE ad slogan being considered by Viagra:
1. This is your p........ This is your p---- on drugs.
Any questions?