martymas
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Posts posted by martymas
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recently
i posted about how to stop spam from arriving
to your inbox through email
by using message rules
ok ive tried message rules
and after trial and error
i havent recieved
spam mail for 2 weeks
i was getting this stuff like
pharmaceuticals .sex .viagra.how to make so and so bigger
and i didnt want to load a third party appli
because they are no better after a while
and im sure they sell your email address to spammers
so i persereved with message rules.
and so far ive been spam free for two weeks
if i get any more
from now on
i will block them and get them deleted from the server .
im not saying it is a hundred percent
but so far so good
that message rules configuration is a hassle
and im sure that is what puts a lot of people off it
but it is working for me SO FAR
i dont want a third party appli
marty
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Now that is just too funny! Hahahahhaha!
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i found a lot of jokes and humor sites in internet news
thousands of them
ive been a member of internet news for some years now.
my isp emailed me and asked if i would like to subscribe to them
so i tried it and i wouldnt give it up now.
it is so unlimited
the catorgorys
i have downloanded 57.000 of them
and the subject matter numbers hundreds
in one subject .
so you can imagine how many subjects there are
boggles the mind .
marty
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American Immigration Test
this is from bill mallenson
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I've talked to this guy ...
Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration.
The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you, and works at Dell on the Help Desk.
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Sounds about right, Marty, and colour does look prettier with the "u"! except Budweiser is not a beer (haven't had a decent one since I was in Denmark!)
Liz
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I used to drink beer in the philippines called San Miguel....I drank a lot of it...I drank a hell of a lot of it....I drank more than my share.
<{POST_SNAPBACK}>
did you get pissed?i dont drink any more
so i forgot what the feeling is like.
marty
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you can chang the language .
but it means the same thing
According to London chief of police Ian Blair what happened today in
London was merely detonations than explosions like the ones two weeks
ago. The devices used today were just Bilateral Outward Offensive
Munitions rather than Kinetically Advanced Bilateral Outward Offensive
Munitions that were used the last time.
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if your an american
. You can have a woman president without electing her.
> 2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
> 3. You can call Budweiser beer.
> 4. You can be a crook and still be president.
> 5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
> 6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
> 7. You get to be really obese.
> 8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems
> to care.
> 9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
> 10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
> 10a. When you're not.
> 10b. At all.
> Envy is a bitch!
>
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DID YOU KNOW...
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days
you would have produced enough sound energy to
heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and
9 months, enough gas is produced to create the
energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like
it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when
it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh My God!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next
life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its
head before it starves to death. (Creepy...I'm
still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories
an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe
at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while
its head is attached to its body. The female
initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football
field. (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What
could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still
want to be a pig in my next life...quality over
quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something
I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine
years longer than left-handed people. (If you're
ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot
jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I
wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people
like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch,
they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that
have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
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filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to
throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He
also invited rufus, the only black in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his
mansion. rufus was having a good time drinking,
dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all
the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft
man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million
dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud
splash and everyone turned around and saw
rufus in the pool!
rufus was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! rufus was
jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs,
throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator
on the tail and flipping the gator through
the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both rufus and
the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally rufus
strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime
store goldfish. rufus then slowly climbed
out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, rufus, I reckon I owe you a
million dollars."
"No suh, dat's okay. I ain't want em," said rufus.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something.You won
the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"
"No suh, dat's okay. I ain't want em," answered rufus.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That
was amazing.How about a new Porsche
and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again rufus said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, rufus, then what do you want?"
rufus said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in
the pool !!"
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LMAO at those...
This one sounds like our kitchen...
23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen
and gone on to lead normal lives.
Hey marty...Which one describes your kitchen?
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my problem is i leave every thing so it is easy to get at.
and of course to others this
this means kaos .
i would be the most casual person in a household
in other words a womans nightmare
i have to be honest,
i can say im not prim and proper
my wife is the exact opposite.
so i get quite abit of banter from my family
im to old to change now
we are all different
arnt we
marty
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That's funny martymas.
My S.O. qualifies for most of them.
I am the cleaning nut in our house.
As an example, she just put away six boxes of dishes and glasses that we had stored in the garage for the past four months while we were remodeling the kitchen.
But she didn't bother to clean them.
So I now have to take everything out, clean the items that my S.O. put in, and reclean the cabinets because of all the dirt that she imported.
But she tries hard.
Joe
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ha ha ha
joe
join the club
marty
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i picked this up from worldstart.
Another Bubba Sighting
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Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge-- into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"
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arnt they priceless wee things
i love it
:lol:marty
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alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new
definition.
a.. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
b.. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
c.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
d.. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
e.. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
f.. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
g.. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
h.. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
i.. Glibido: All talk and no action.
j.. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you
have been smoking marijuana.
And, the pick of the literature:
a.. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass
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and aonther
1.. Don't miss the boat.
2.. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3.. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4.. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do
something really big.
5.. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be
done.
6.. Build your future on high ground.
7.. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8.. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the
cheetahs.
9.. When you're stressed, float a while.
10.. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by
professionals.
11.. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow
waiting.
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hey team im a bit lost with some of these compt terms
any tutorials
marty
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ha ha ha
your in rare form at the moment
towel head ha ha ha
marty
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It is a good idea to have at the very least two e-mail addy's. One for personal use and one as a throw away address. I use my second one for all correspondence that I am not quite sure about. Such as entering contests or anything related to a site (I am not quite sure about) that requires my e-mail address being submitted. That way personal e-mails and others that might bring in spam, are not mixed together.
If I am registering a trusted product (program) or registering on a trusted site. I use my personal one.
It is also always best to not open any un-solicited spam e-mails. They then know that they have found a legitmate address. In the worst cases, these can be laden with virus'. Also, do not ever click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of spam e-mails. That will verify that your e-mail addres is legit too. Spam e-mailer's trade and sell e-mail address', which multiplies the amount of spam you receive. Take my word on that. I have been there. I was receiving hundreds of spam e-mails daily. To where I had to trash an e-mail address. And start fresh.
Treat spam as if it were a stranger knocking on your door. Now you would not open the door to a stranger, would you.
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i agree with you.
i have 3 addys and my personal one i get nothing through it
other than personal mail
but the other 2 i leave on my web mail.
and dose not come to my in box .
i threatened my isp to go some where else.
because i thought they were selling my email addresses.
they assured me they werent.
their reply was it isnt good bizness to have
uncertain customers.
as that is the time they are likely to leave.
and go some where else.
ive been with them since ive had a compt.
and im reluctant to leave as when i first got this compt,
if i had problems i could take it to them .
and they would fix it .
now of course they have to many customers
to do that now.
but i can still ring them and get advice.
so im stuck between a rock and a hardplace
that is what loyalty is all about
marty
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These are pretty cool looking and will totally eliminate flat tires.
Supposedly, they also ride extremely well and are very durable, but most of all....they look Super Cool!!!
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hey chappy those are cool tyres
i didnt see through them until i enlarged the pic
marty
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Signs Found In Kitchen/Which one matches you?
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Signs Found In Kitchens
1. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!
3. I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!
6. I clean house every other day.... Today is the other day!
7. If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
8. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
11. COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
13. If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your
standards.
14. You may touch the dust in this house...but please don't
write in it!
15. Apology...Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in,
sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some
days it's even worse.
16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is
delirious.
17. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused.
21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
22. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen
and gone on to lead normal lives.
24. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending
machines.
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FDA and drug names (ADULT)
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In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called
amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also
considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud
,dixafix,
and of course, ibepokin.
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wow flatiron__2
that was a great article
but isnt the world going that way
i have 2 grandsons who can build compts
maybe that isnt a great acheivement in todays world
but young people adapt to technology
better than i did in my day
and to that young girl
i salute her
mutu good one
marty
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where i live there hasent been one of those ever
i think it is because we live in a colder climate
i read where cyclones occur in hotter climates
but it must be
terrifying for people who live in these areas
a Q FOR THE BOARD
do you think climatic changes
are the cause of these dreadful
phenomina
or is it a natural occurence of nature.
marty
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This is really something spectacular that you will not want to miss!
Be sure to mark your calendars to view Mars throughout August -- especially on the 27th.
You would not have this opportunity again for over 250 years.
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thanks handplane
this is a subject
im interested in
in my favourites i have heaps and heaps of articles
on space ,and and the universe
some one on the board sent me several links
which i transfered to a cd
marty
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I just skimmed the article (will read it better when I get more time) but I sure like the idea of flooding the spammer's servers
I'm lucky, I don't get much spam at all, I actually have had good luck with the 'unsubscribe' feature, but I know some folks have terrible problems. Nice article, Marty! ThanksLiz
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me neither i get very few spam mails now
but like the others i used to get many and much
but i learned how to configure the OE
message rules
at first it didnt make much difference
but as i perservered it has
dwindled to a trickle
mainly those dam
naughty mails.and
the pharmacys trying to sell me pills.
but for the sake of the new users
i hope this article helps
those who are less experienced
than you and i
marty
Engrish
in The Comedy Club
Posted
i must confess i ahve trouble posting the pics and images
the text is just copy and paste
i transfer them to notepad and copy and paste them to the board
but those pics and images
i tried posting them from infranview
but no go
any one got any ideas
i can find plenty of images and pics there
but to get them to the board is another matter.
marty