martymas

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Posts posted by martymas

  1. a.. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    b.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    c.. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    d.. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

    e.. Why is a boxing ring square?

    f.. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

    g.. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

    h.. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

    i.. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you

    turn down the volume on the radio?

    j.. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid

    made with real lemons?

    k.. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    l.. Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

    m.. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    n.. Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

    o.. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

    p.. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

    q.. Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that

    little indestructible black box is?

    r.. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

    s.. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink

    and drive?

  2. a.. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

    b.. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

    c.. The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

    d.. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

    e.. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

    f.. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

    g.. The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.

    h.. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

    i.. Iliterate? Write For Help.

    j.. Honk If Anything Falls Off.

    k.. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

    l.. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.

    m.. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

    n.. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

    o.. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

    p.. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

    q.. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

    r.. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...(Seen Upside Down On

    A Jeep)

    s.. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

    t.. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.

    u.. Boldly Going Nowhere.

    v.. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.

    w.. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

    x.. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

    y.. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

    z.. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

    aa.. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.

    ab.. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

    ac.. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

    ad.. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.

    ae.. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

    af.. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

    ag.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

    --------------------------------------------------------

  3. Mr. Mason...don't you do that again...you had me so excited loking for something funny...hahahaha

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    hi bear skin

    yes it wasent meant to be like that.

    however ile go find something for you to laugh at

    marty

  4. Hey all

    Just watching the news and an Air France Airbus A340 was struck by lightning while landing about an hour ago in Toronto Canada, it lost power and crashed off the runway bursting into flames.

    Jeez...this just said from a passenger...seems like almost everyone was able to escape before it burned...I hope this is the case.

    It crashed just off the highway and I guess some survivors were found wandering on the highway. 291 crew and passengers onboard....God Bless them all, I hope they all survive.

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    hi chappy im just watching that news now it appears no one

    was killed.

    but 14 were injured

    hope they will be ok .

    did this happen in the toronto airport .

    and to think i may fly to canada next year

    by the looks of the screen the aircraft is on fire

    thank god the people were saved

    marty .

  5. yes i didnt realize it until i reread the post

    by that time ide sent it

    that site has some sick jokes in it

    normally ime not a person to critersize

    other cultures.

    i say live and let live .

    weather they be blonds- rednecks

    or what ever .

    we have those sort of people here as well so they are universal.

    but i got carried away with this one before ide

    read it through

    marty

  6. Marty, it's going to take me about 3 days to read all of these, but they are absolutely hysterical!!  Some of them sound like the random comments my daughter makes--we live in a house, but she's definitely blonde.  :)  Think I'll send her a few of these a day :)

    Thanks,

    Liz

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    hi liz when i read them i thought of a dreaming little school kid

    day dreaming

    bit i got them from a redneck and blond site .

    i got lost half way through

    marty

  7. Marty I recognize most of those from the comedy routine of an American named Jeff Foxworthy and they all start with the tag line " you might be a redneck if..."

    he currently has a show on the Fox network up here.

    And yes, 'ho is slang for whore.

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    what a drag

    i get fox but it is the edition beamed to the south pacific

    so i miss a lot of that stuff

    marty

  8. when found this the heading

    was the thoughts of a

    blond trailertrash

    redneck.

    and after reading them i know why

    marty

    Let's be honest: Isn't a lot of what we call tap dancing really just

    nerves?

    I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then,

    yahoo!,

    I'd have all my money back.

    When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or

    pie

    heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm,

    boy.

    The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the

    watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw

    skulls

    and bones

    everywhere. "Uh-oh," he though. "This watering hole is reserved for

    skeletons."

    If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then

    gets

    right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

    If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how

    much

    glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for

    granted.

    If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay

    it

    in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby.

    I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are

    looking for

    a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him.

    And you

    know why they

    never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the

    reader, to

    decide.

    Then, at the very end, there's a page you can lick and it tastes like

    Kool-Aid.

    Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion

    or

    tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding

    on

    an elephant, just

    trampling and eating everything they see.

    I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was

    the

    meanest man in town. But I said I thought he was nice, that he just

    didn't

    know how to

    show it. The meanest man in town, I said, was the mean old guy who

    lived in

    the big white

    house.

    "THAT'S MISTER SWENSON," they said. Oh, my mistake.

    If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't

    stop

    and start thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because

    that's

    probably

    the first sign of jungle madness.

    Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake.

    That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.

    We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we

    wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore

    he

    picked up in town.

    Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how about

    individual push buttons on each desk? That way, when you want to ask a

    question, you just push the

    button and it lights up a corresponding number on a tote board at the

    front

    of the class.

    Then all the professor has to do is check the lighted number against a

    master sheet of

    names and numbers to see who is assking the question.

    Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the

    least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise.

    Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't

    laugh

    at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of

    theose plastic

    dry-cleaner bags?

    Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded

    seal,

    trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!

    I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money

    for

    about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out

    west

    and start

    digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd

    say,

    "Looking for gold,

    ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold." And I'd say, "well, that

    was

    easy."

    Good joke, huh?

    We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at

    them

    personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

    The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it?

    Maybe

    Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor---through some kind of

    space

    warp or

    something. "Go, Bob, go!" yelled one of the generals. "Give me that!"

    said

    the big-guy

    general as he took the microphone away. "Listen, Bob," he said. "You've

    got

    to steer that

    meteor away from Earth." "Yes, but how?" thought Bob. Then he got an

    idea.

    Right next to

    him there was a steering wheel sticking out of the meteor.

    You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But

    I'm

    telling you, I will bark at any sound I hear and it will drive you

    crazy.

    I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to

    stick

    potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye pokings to fellow

    Vikings and lady

    Vikings.

    The other day I got out my can opener and was opening a can of worms

    when I

    thought, "What am I doing?!"

    What am I afraid of? I'll tell you: a feather. that's right, a feather.

    How

    could anyone be afraid of a feather, you say. That's an honest

    question, and

    I'll try to

    give it an honest answer. First of all, did I say it was a poison

    feather?

    I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is

    anyone

    listening to me?!

    I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called

    him

    Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd

    eat one

    of us. Later

    on we found out he was a bear.

    Isn't it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next

    minute you're just driving real fast, swerving back and forth across

    the

    road?

    Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're

    an

    astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned

    into

    Dracula. The next

    time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door

    behind

    him and blast

    off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you

    just

    say, "Think

    again, bat man."

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people,

    but

    on both sides.

    If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would

    be

    if you were

    sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get

    it

    unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you.

    It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit.

    Maybe

    it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight,

    away

    from the

    first fight.

    If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your

    heart

    sink is when you look in, and there at the wheel is Captain Termite.

    I remember we were all horrified to see Grandpa up on the roof with his

    Superman cape on. "Get down!" yelled Uncle Lou. "Don't move!" screamed

    Grandma. But Grandpa

    wouldn't listen. He walked to the edge of the roof and stuck out his

    arms,

    like he

    was going to fly. I forget what happened after that.

    I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like

    people to do what I say.

    It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for

    treasure, and

    they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they

    were

    creating.

    I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put

    me

    on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home

    planet.

    If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization

    and

    they make fun of it, we should say we were just kidding, that this

    isn't

    really our

    civilization, but a gag we hoped they would like. Then we tell them to

    come

    back in twenty years to see

    our REAL civilization. After that, we start a crash program of coming

    up

    with an

    impressive new civilization. Either that, or just shoot down the aliens

    as

    they're waving

    good-bye.

    The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!

    I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I

    bet

    you can really see it in those genitals.

    If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier

    in

    the day, up on deck, I guess I'd go, but I'd try to find some excuse to

    leave early.

    I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top

    of the

    Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little bits of cheese?

    They

    probably break

    down into their various gases before they even hit.

    If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror,

    because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

    I think my favorite monster movie is "Gone With the Wind", because it

    has

    that ear monster and that big-dress monster.

    Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to

    throw

    back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who

    hears

    me, because I

    am beautiful.

    If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a

    good

    costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.

    It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and

    crossbones on it, because

    there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on

    and

    really scare you.

    One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run

    with a

    wooden stake.

    I remember how, in college, I got that part-time job as a circus clown,

    and

    how the children would laugh and laugh at me. I vowed, then and there,

    that

    I would get

    revenge.

    If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of

    pudding, you probably

    have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the

    strength of

    that pudding skin.

    It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that

    man.

    If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go,

    because,

    man, they're gone.

    I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says

    something

    like "Hey, when are you going to pay me that hundred dollars you owe

    me?" or

    "Do

    you have that fifty dollars you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

    I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to

    town,

    we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

    If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play,

    just

    slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.

    Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his

    head

    out when you're coming home, his face might burn up.

    I think one way police departments could make some money would be to

    hold a

    yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could probably

    use a

    cheap ice

    pick.

    If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys,

    throw

    one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think

    of

    how crazy war

    is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.

    A quiz: If I am my brother's keeper, who am I? (Answer: me.)

    I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was

    free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending

    that

    he's throwing

    up, is not what I call hospitality.

    I think a good way to get in a movie is to show up where they're making

    the

    movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start

    yowling

    and running

    around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would

    say,

    "Hey, let's put

    him in the movie."

    If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I'd try to stay near the

    back.

    That way, if

    somebody shamed us into disbanding, I could sort of slip off to the

    side and

    pretend I was

    window-shopping or something.

    I bet what happend was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on

    the

    same day.

    Then, that night, they burned the wheel.

    Just because swans mate for life, I don't think it's that big of a

    deal.

    First of all, if you're a

    swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks that much

    better

    than the one

    you've got, so why not mate fo life?

    Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or

    evolve: something

    that stings you, then laughs at you.

    I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but

    he

    gets hit on the

    head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study

    the

    brain.

    If you're pretty happy, but you have a little Chihuahua that's always

    biting

    you on the

    ankles, still that's pretty good isn't it? I'm going to go ahead and

    keep

    you in the "happy"

    category.

    If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the sutffing or

    the

    cranberry sauce or

    anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it

    all

    in your lap and form it

    into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars

    with

    the boys, let out

    a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy,

    these are

    good cigars!"

    Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch

    mice at

    all, but to

    protect little cheese "gems" from burglars.

    The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very

    large

    blob of

    potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone

    asks

    me why I didn't

    get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big

    piece

    of meat from

    inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick,

    huh?

    Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit

    from a

    big rock

    half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the

    rock

    out of the

    ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance and go

    skidding down the hill

    toward the pool. Then out comes a big Hawaiian man who was screwing his

    wife

    beside the

    pool because they thought it was real pretty. He tells you to get out

    of

    there, but you start

    faking it, like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and

    chases

    you...

    Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night,

    with

    no other cars

    around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out

    there? No

    cities, no

    factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then

    who

    made this car?

    And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the

    window into the

    driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on

    the

    head by a bolt.

    The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked

    hard

    and saved

    his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he

    felt

    it was better

    than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and

    collect the

    gold nuggets

    it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years,

    the

    volcano petered out.

    Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he

    decided

    to collect gold

    nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his

    leg and

    the doctor's

    bills were real high.

    Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody

    called the

    "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell

    everybody, "You

    can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just

    like

    everybody else."

    Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him

    over to

    spend the

    night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping

    I'd

    have to kick him

    out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family

    run

    out of town. Bye,

    Cricket Boy.

    I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck,

    which you strap

    on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a

    mommy

    duck and

    her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out

    of

    the water and roar

    like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is

    good

    for parties.

    I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money

    for

    about twenty

    years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and start

    digging for gold.

    When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for

    gold,

    ya durn

    fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd say, "Well, that was

    easy."

    Good joke, huh.

    A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets

    bitten by

    a poisonous snake,

    tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and

    pretend

    that *you* got bit by

    a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get

    help. A

    lot of guys

    will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them

    it

    was just a joke.

    I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran

    up and

    lit the evil

    puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to

    help

    illustrate one of the

    human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as

    when you

    kill

    someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is

    generosity, as

    when you

    pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.

    Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull"

    that

    Jesse James once

    got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like

    anything, but then the

    bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the

    secretary

    told him to wait,

    so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then

    finally he got to

    see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that

    dull?

    The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had

    any

    toys. But this one

    little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he

    would go around and

    whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart

    almost broke. Later

    the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I

    reached

    out my hand,

    but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He

    cried a

    little, but

    that's the way of these people.

    At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would

    be

    "Clark Kent,

    Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I

    thought,

    if a patient

    said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray

    vision and said,

    "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going

    to

    take an X-ray,

    stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw, get outta here," and then he probably

    wouldn't

    even pay his

    bill.

    If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the

    cranberry sauce or

    anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it

    all

    in your lap and form it

    into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars

    with

    the boys, let out

    a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy,

    these are

    good cigars!"

    I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what

    was

    coming. "You

    don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well,"

    said

    Coach, "you never

    were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of

    rags

    and towels,

    and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then

    either steal the

    ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people

    at

    inappropriate

    times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought

    something is

    brewing inside

    the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw

    talent

    that he can mold.

    But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

    --

    Lucy - Manchester, UK

    "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential

    is

    invisible to the eye."

    Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

  9. ok thanks guys for your discription

    of trailer trash.

    i saw an episode of

    jerry springer last night

    and one lady was referred to as

    a trailer trash ho

    ive had to guess the ho bit

    bit i dont want to guess in case im wrong.

    marty

  10. Hi Marty

    Unfortunately my friend, you'll NEVER completely be able to rid yourself of email spam, the spammers use different tactics to keep from being caught by message rules (filters).

    Getting just a few a week is doing rather well really, that means that your filters are doing a decent job of getting most of them. I have over 100 message filters (same thing as rules just a different name) and I still get a couple every now and then.

    The bad ones for me right now are all the Stock Market ones, because the spammers just use a ficticious name as the email title, so its different everytime and a "Title" filter would do no good.

    Anyway buddy, only getting 1 to 7  a week is doing an awesome job!!

    Pat yourself on the back for doing well and don't be so hard on yourself!!

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    i chappy

    since i posted that post

    i put pressure on my isp

    and it has stopped they deleted one of my

    \email addresses which this stuff was comming through

    that was seven days ago

    and so far so good

    i must say message rules isnt to bad but you have to preservere

    with it

    thanks fo the reply

    marty

  11. thanks jcl

    ive just read through your mac links

    and it is interesting stuff

    but i think ile forget it

    i need a mac machine to run it and i cant afford another

    i have two already so that is my lot thnks

    macmarauder

    has some interesting observations

    so i may stick with win.

    marty

  12. it may be your alternator is shot

    have it checked.

    it sounds as tho some one wired it up wrong

    maybe your horn wiring was

    was attached to your door lights

    because on most cars when you open your door

    the lights come on

    im only guessing and speculating of course

    good luck

    marty

  13. hi team as ime not familiar with the term trailer trash

    im sure the american posters can relate to these

    quotes.

    i have seen it refered to at times

    does the term discribes working class.

    1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has

    more teeth than your spouse.

    2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke

    at the dinner table in front of her kids.

    3. You've been married three times and still

    have the same in-laws.

    4. You think a woman who is "out of your league"

    bowls on a different night.

    5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired

    people."

    6. You wonder how service stations keep their

    restrooms so clean.

    7. Anyone in your family ever died right after

    saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

    8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

    9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a

    ceiling fan.

    10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

    11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled

    Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."

    12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your

    house exploded right off its wheels.

    13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up

    and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

    14. You have to go outside to get something

    from the fridge.

    15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

    16. You need one more hole punched in your

    card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

    17. You can't get married to your sweetheart

    because there's a law against it.

    18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting

    your wife drunk.

    19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

    20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend

    hits the floor.

    21. If you have a complete set of salad bowls

    and they all say Cool Whip onthe side....

    22. If the biggest city you've ever been to

    is Wal-Mart...

    23. If your working T.V. sits on top of your

    non-working R.V...

    24. If you thought the Una-bomber was a wrestler...

    25. If you've ever used your ironing board

    as a buffet table...

    26. If you think a quarter horse is that ride

    out in front of the K-Mart...

    27. If your neighbours think you're a detective

    because a cop always brings you home...

    28. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and

    does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement...

    29. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a

    back scratcher

    30. If you've ever asked the preacher "How's

    it hangin?"

    31. If you missed 5th grade graduation because

    you had jury duty...

    32. If you think fast food is hitting a deer

    at 65 mph...

    33. If somebody tells you that you've got something

    in your teeth and you take them out to see what

    it is...

    34. If you've ever stared at a can of orange

    juice because it said concentrate...

    35. If you've ever been too drunk to fish.

    36. If you don't understand why the first 35

    are not funny.

  14. marty,

    Was it

    Deep Burner?

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    thanks handplane thats it

    i couldnt access

    shanenins

    reply

    it gave me an error page

    un less that was what it was designed to do

    i wonder why google didnt turn up with deepburner

    i have slimbrowser

    and it has several searches engines and none

    of them came up with deepburner.

    that was thw reason i posted here.

    marty

  15. hi team recently i had a free burner

    in my favourites

    and ive forgotten the name of the darn thing

    ive tried google msn

    and slim browser search but

    none of them lists this particular

    burner.i thought

    at first it was big burner

    but ive hit a brick wall

    it had burner in the trade name

    any ideas

    marty

  16. Thanks, Pierce.  The whole hacking idea scares me because of the damage some have done, but thats......well.....kinda funny.  What was MS thinking?!?  Aren't they supposed to have the "greatest techy folks" working for them, and they make something that is "cracked" in a day?  :blink:

    Liz

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    i think microsoft has been easy on iligell coppies

    becuase of the the amonut of

    users legal or illegal.

    and dont want to loose those users. it make bizness sense

    if you cant beat them join them.

    who may be able to buy microsoft products.

    i have friends 5 in all

    who have illegal copies

    and get the same updates rights as i do and im pi---ed off.

    as a matter of intertest.

    2 of them have ther updates on auto

    and do get the updates.

    this is the third board ive seen with this article

    why all of the sudden interest.

    because thos up dates havent changed.

    it is putting the fear of god into the

    firefox and mozilla users

    because with out windows these

    browsers would be a statistic

    and i wouldnt be surprised

    if microsoft

    stops the use of other browsers

    i know they are thinking of it i. got this from my local branch.

    hence the comming of explorer7.

    rightly or wrongly

    i dont want to get into that discussion.

    i have slimbrowser and i like it

    but it may have to go.

    tho ime one who will buy the new OS when it arives

    im not sure how the illegal users will fare

    because i feel this policy is aimed at them for the new os.

    marty

    ps

    ive pasted that hack into

    notepad

    and hope i dont have to use it

  17. yep it's made specifically to run only on mac hardware or mac clone hardware or you can run an emulator but i wouldn't recommend that. they really really don't want you to run it on just any computer. that's what the whole PC Mac debate is really about. Not which is better but the control of hardware vrs control of software. that the biggest reason why macs are more reliable, they don't have to build support for a ton of hardware since you can only run it on theirs. like i've said before, advantages and disadvantages to such control.

    <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

    ok thanks for your info

    i will probably forget about it un less i get a mac sys

    thanks again

    marty