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Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings. The Contraceptive98 suite consists of thre

1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal? 2) Check e-mail more than five times a day? 3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping? 4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online? 5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway? 6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions? 7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head? 8) Spend hours online on a ho

Hey echobay Thanks. My weekend is starting off great. Got rain for the first time in over six weeks.

Hey David, I agree. But aint it fun!!!!!

10 Good Reasons Computers Are Better Than Girlfriends 1. You wouldn't bother to play Strip Poker all night with a girlfriend. 2. No girlfriend can hold your undivided attention for 30 hours in a stretch. 3. Your computer never wants to be taken out for dinner. 4. Your computer doesn't mind if you are unshaved, haven't showered this week or are sitting by it in your underwear. 5. If a computer gets a virus, it can be cleaned away. 6. No matter how ugly your computer is, you can show it to your friends. 7. With a computer, you can press the buttons without it getting sore. 8. A computer doesn't

Top Ten Things Men SHOULDN'T say out loud in Victoria's Secret 10 Does this come in children's sizes? 9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing. 8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind. 7 Mom will love this. 6 Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboys Logo on it? 5 No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here. 4 Will you model this for me??? 3 Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that! 2 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!! 1 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!

Here is a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages: When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in Leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly Naked." Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea." Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate." When Vicks first introduce its cough drops on

OUCH

Hey flatiron__2, Is that a photo of you??

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It's working for me.

Hey mac, I bet you know as much about horse racing, as I know about computers.

Meatballs!!

GROSS!!!

Let's see if the LAW is going to have some teeth in it.

So true. I had quite a few in my lifetime.

The Why's of Men (adult) 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock) (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktai

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A: Shoot him again. Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung? A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q: Why do little boys whine? A: Because they are practicing to be men. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him, or three - one to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean w

Poor guy was had twice. Moral of the story, never trust a tree hugger and never never have your bare rear end, flapping in the wind!!

Another good one.

Funny. Had to send it to a few friends!!

Hey marty, #2 fits me well!!

Hey dknoppix He isn' the father of the child???