tg1911

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Posts posted by tg1911

  1. The Ex

    in The Comedy Club

    Posted

    A couple was sitting in a fine local restaurant when the wife looks

    over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

    She begins to stare and quietly sneer.

    The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some

    time now. Do you know him?"

    "Yes," she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like

    that since I left him seven years ago."

    "That's remarkable," the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody

    could celebrate that long."

  2. Good Recipe?

    in The Comedy Club

    Posted

    Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing .... imagine that.

    When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who just are not sure

    how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

    BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

    6-7 lb. Chicken

    1 cup melted butter

    1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)

    1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)

    Salt/pepper to taste

    Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.

    Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

    Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

    Listen for the popping sounds.

    When the chicken's butt blows the oven door open, and the chicken flies across the room, it's done.

  3. Wanda's Parrot

    in The Comedy Club

    Posted

    Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to

    go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under

    the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

    "Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever

    you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

    "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

    When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he

    discovered the biggest, meanest, ugliest, looking bulldog he has ever seen.

    But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the

    repairman go about his work.

    The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling,

    cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any

    longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

    To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

  5. Mars Encounter?

    in Open Chat

    Posted

    A couple more space sites, that might be of interest:

    Journey to Mars and beyond. Lasts 12 mins.:

    spacewander.com

    Complete collection of every Hubble Space Telescope news release and its supporting materials, along with tools and resources designed to further your knowledge of astronomy:

    hubblesite.org

    Provides you with all the information you need to observe satellites such as the International Space Station and the Space Shuttle, spectacular events such as the dazzlingly bright flares from Iridium satellites as well as a wealth of other spaceflight and astronomical information. Provides the times of visibility, and detailed star charts showing the satellite's track through the heavens. Generated in real-time and customized for your location and time zone:

    heavens-above.com

    Cool science site:

    madsci.org

    Fun to play with:

    An easy-to-use, interactive web site for estimating the regional environmental consequences of an impact on Earth. This program will estimate the ejecta distribution, ground shaking, atmospheric blast wave, and thermal effects of an impact as well as the size of the crater produced.

    Earth Impact Effects Program

  10. Puppy Advice?

    in Open Chat

    Posted

    Let the cat and the dog get used to each other. It might take a little while, but it will happen.

    I used to have a 120 lb., long haired German Shepherd, that loved our three cats.

    When we got the dog it was a puppy, and the cats were grown. At first the cats would give the dog hell, but eventually they became best buddies. Two of the cats would even sleep on the dog, after a tough play session. I think the dog thought he was a cat, at least he acted like he only weighed 10 lbs. Them playing together, brought many hours of entertainment.

    Imagine a 120 lb. dog trying to chase a cat under the sofa. :)

    Also, spend a lot of time with the dog as a puppy, playing with, and training him. They're easier to train when they're young, but keep the training sessions short. They have a short attention span when they're young (10 - 15 mins. tops).

    As far as disciplining the dog goes, the best tool I've found, is a spray bottle, filled with water. A shot to the head, and a firm NO will go a long way. Before long, you'll be able to dispense with, the spray bottle.