tg1911
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Posts posted by tg1911
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Sounds like he should have gotten one more opinion.
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thanks tg1911
... by the way did you jiggle your cursor.
marty
You're welcome Marty.
Yes I did.
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Hi Marty.
Yeah, I just copied it from another message board I belong to, then hosted it at Photobucket.
Then I just copy/paste the code.
Here's some other sites, that have some of the smilies I use:
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On my Epson I can scan to OCR(Don't ask me what that stands for). That will allow me to open the document in either Note Pad Or Word. When it does it though, it has to convert it to a text document. So yours is most likely being saved as a .jpg or something similar. Maybe you have something similar to Epson's Twain?
Oops, I see you already figured that out!!
Same here.
My Epson allows me to scan to editable text.
OCR - Optical character recognition
Here's an explaination:
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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.
Leakproof Seals, Will. Self starters, will Not. Interchangeable Parts, Won't.
There ls Always, One More Bug.
Nature Is A Mother.
Don't Mess With Murphy.
90% of Everything Is Crud.
If you're Feeling Good, Don't Worry, You'll Get Over It.
All Warranties Expire Upon Payment Of Invoice.
Where You Stand On An Issue, Depends On Where You Sit.
Never Eat Prunes When You Are Famished.
Friends Come and Go, But Enemies Accumulate.
If You Try To Please Everybody, Nobody Will Like You.
A Short Cut, Is The Longest Distance Between Two Points.
You Will Always Find Something In The Last Place You Look.
Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong.
Every Solution, Breeds New Problems.
It Is Impossible To Make Anything Foolproof, Because Fools Are So Ingenious.
Never Argue With An Idiot.
You Will Remember That You Forgot To Take Out The Trash, When The Garbage Truck Is Two Doors Away.
The Race Is Not Always To The Swift, Nor The Battle To The Strong, But That's The Way To Bet.
There's Never Time To Do It Right, But There's Always Time To Do It Over.
When in Doubt, Mumble. When In Trouble, Delegate.
Anything Good In Life Is Either Illegal, Immoral, or Fattening.
It Is Morally Wrong, To Allow Suckers To Keep Their Money.
Everything East Of The San Andreas Fault, Will Eventually Plunge Into The Atlantic Ocean.
Nature Always Sides With The Hidden Flaw.
A Bird In Hand, Is Safer Than One Overhead,
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel, Is The Headlamp Of An Oncoming Train.
Celibacy Is Not Hereditary.
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever Has The Gold, Makes The Rules.
Never Sleep With Anyone Crazier Than Yourself.
BeautyIs Only Skin Deep, But Ugly Goes To The Bone.
To Know Yourself Is the Ultimate Form Of Aggression.
The Chance Of A Piece Of Bread Falling With The Buttered Side Down, is Directly Proportional To The Cost Of The Carpet,
No Matter How Long You Shop For An Item, After You've Bought It, It Will Be On Sale Cheaper.
No One's Life, Liberty, Or Property Are Safe, While The Legislature Is In Session.
The Other Line, Always Moves Faster.
Anything You Try To Fix, Will Take Longer, And Cost More, Than You Thought.
If You Fool Around With Anything For Very Long, You Will Screw It Up.
A $300.OO Picture Tube, Will Protect A $.1O Fuse, By Blowing First.
If It Jams, Force It. If It Breaks, It Needed Replacing Anyway.
Nothing is impossible, For The Man Who Doesn't Have To Do It,
You Can't Be Too Rich, or Too Thin.
Any Tool Dropped, While Repairing A Car, Will Roll Underneath, To The Exact Center.
The Repairman, Will Never Have Seen A Model Quite Like Yours, Before.
When A Broken Appliance Is Demonstrated For The Repairman, It Will Work Perfectly.
A Pipe Gives A Wise Man Time To Think, And A Fool Something To Stick In His Mouth.
Never Eat The Yellow Snow.
Everybody Should Believe In Something, I Believe I'll Have Another Drink.
Build A System That Even A Fool Can Use, And Only A Fool Will Use lt.
Everyone Has A Scheme For Getting Rich, That Will Not Work.
In Any Hierarchy, Each Individual Rises To His Own Level Of Incompetence, And Then Remains There.
Never Play Leapfrog With A Unicorn.
A Smith & Wesson Beats Four Aces.
If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Obviously Don't Know, What The Hell Is Going On.
If More Than One Person Is Responsible For A Miscalculation, No One Will Be At Fault.
In Case Of Doubt, Make It Sound Convincing.
Never Argue With A Fool, People Might Not Know The Difference.
Nothing, Is As Easy As It Looks.
A Penny Saved, Is Not Worth Very Much
Living Well, Is The Best Revenge.
Every Job Will Take Twice As Long As You Expect, And Will Be Half As Lucrative.
The Chances Of Seeing Someone Who Knows You, Are Dramatically Increased By Not Wanting To Be Seen.
There Is No Such Thing, As A Free Lunch.
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:lol:
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Love the image, lamuskrat.
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I love it!
Pinky Chickenbrain
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Couldn't have said it better myself.
Thanks, all!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY
...Lcplmurphy!!!!
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The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams
practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they both felt ready.
The Japanese won by a mile!
Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management
decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to
investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's findings: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the
American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing, the problem, the consulting firm concluded that too
many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.
So, as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was
completely reorganized.
The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, one staff steering manager
and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
That year the Japanese won by two miles!
Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a
bonus for discovering the problem.
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A couple was invited to a real swanky Halloween party, so the wife got costumes for both of them.
On the night of the party, she developed a terrible headache and told her husband to go without her.
He protested, but she said that all she was going to do was take a couple of aspirins and go to bed
and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not attending. So he got into his costume and
off he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awoke without a sign of pain, and as it was just a little
after nine, she decided to go to the party. Inasmuch as her husband did not know what kind of costume she
was to wear, she thought It would be a good idea to just slip into the party, and observe how he acted when
she was not around.
This she did, and as soon as she joined the party the first one she spied was her husband, cavorting around
on the dance floor, dancing with one slick chick and then another, copping a little feel here and there. So the
wife sided up to him, and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner standing high and dry, and
devoted his attention to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let this go as far as he wished, naturally, and finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear. This
she agreed to, and they went out to one of the cars parked nearby, ETC..ETC..ETC.....
Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, and got into bed, wondering what
kind of explanation her husband would make as to his behavior. He arrived home about 1:30 A.M. and
came right into the bedroom to see how she was. She was sitting up in bed reading and asked, "What kind
of time did you have?"
He said, "Oh, the same old stuff. You know I never have a good time when your not around."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He said, "Well, I'll tell you, I never danced much. When I got there, Dave Jones, Bill Brown and some other
guys were stag too, so we went back into the den and played poker the rest of the evening. But I'll tell you
one thing, that fellow I loaned my costume to sure had one hell of a good time.
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1:00 AM......Alarm clock rings
2:00 AM......Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:15 AM......Throw everything except kitchen sink in the pickup
3:00 AM......Leave for the deep woods
3:15 AM......Drive back home and pick up gun
3:30 AM......Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:00 AM......Set up camp — forgot the damn tent
4:30 AM......Head into the woods
6:05 AM......See 3 deer
6:06 AM......Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07 AM......"Click"
6:08 AM......Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
8:00 AM......Head back to camp
9:00 AM......Still looking for camp
10:00 AM......Realize you don't know where camp is
NOON ......Fire gun for help — eat wild berries
12:15 PM......Run out of berries, 3 deer come back
12:20 PM......Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 PM......Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 PM......Rescued
12:55 PM......Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00 PM......Arrive back in camp
3:30 PM......Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 PM......Return to camp for bullets
4:01 PM......Load gun — leave camp again
5:00 PM......Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you
6:00 PM......Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp
6:01 PM......Load gun
6:02 PM......Fire gun
6:03 PM......One dead truck
6:05 PM......Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer
6:06 PM......Repress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07 PM......Fall into fire
6:10 PM......Change clothes, throw burned ones in fire
6:15 PM......Take pickup and leave partner and his deer in woods
6:25 PM......Pickup boils over — hole shot in block
6:26 PM......Start walking
6:30 PM......Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35 PM......Meet bear
6:36 PM......Take aim
6:37 PM......Fire gun, blows up, barrel plugged with mud
6:38 PM......Crapped in pants
6:39 PM......Climb tree
9:00 PM......Bear departs, wrap gun around tree
MIDNIGHT......HOME AT LAST
SUNDAY......Watch football game on TV slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place in envelope, and mail to game warden with very clear instructions as to where to put it.
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Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"
Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"
Son: "What is Politics?"
Father: "Well let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me Capitalism.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so let's call her Goverment. We take care of your
needs, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid The Working class and your baby brother
we can call The Future. Do you understand son?
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that
the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents room and found his mother
sound asleep. He went to the maids's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father
in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the
boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what politics is."
Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"
Son: "Well dad, while Capitalism is screwing The Working Class, Government is sound asleep,
The People are being completelty ignored and The Future is full of crap.
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Good ones, rv56.
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WOW!!
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Funny stuff, lamuskrat.
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Funny Videos I Found On The Net
in On The Web
Posted
Funny, macmarauder!