Just A Little Snipit For A Preview Of My Book

[macmarauder]

this is a very shortened version of one of the chapters of my secret book, only BestTechie knows. this is about the main character and yes there will be religions, yes there will be multiple beings with god like powers. there are other things too, most of which you've never seen in mixed with religion. like aliens for example. like i've stated before i already plan on spending years writing it and maybe even a life time or two but the world may never be the same after i'm done cause all that i write about in the book is possible and even true. my second favorite part is a believable explanation for the existence of multiple religions and multiple gods.

Born originally a Caveman towards the begging of man our unknown soul was different than the others, even then, he had no path, and to those who could see the energy of a creatures soul, he seamed to have none. no soul, no energy, no force or chi at all. This worried the watcher angles so they reported back to God (the creator god). God i have 2 things to report, there is a creature who show no signs of a soul and there is 1 extra soul in Heaven. HHMMM WELL I’LL TAKE A LOOK THEN. God came down and saw this man. THIS CREATION IS NOT ONE OF MINE, HOW CURIOUS THIS IS? THE BODY IS ONE OF MY CHANGES FROM THE A PREVIOUS ONE BUT THE SOUL IS NOT. God watched as this very curious creature was pushing a stick into a peice of bark. there were piles of different rocks and broken sticks around him. Then suddenly fire erupted in the bark. I DID NOT BRING FIRE TO HIM. THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL SOUL, WHEN HE DIES I SHALL GIVE HIM SOMETHING SPECIAL. Later after he died God called apon his most unique and favorite angle (Lucifer). PLEASE GIVE ME A TINY PEICE OF YOUR SOUL. As Gods most loyal servent he did so without hesitation. God blended the peice and creatures souls together. And then God said

[Pete_C]

I awoke drenched in sweat despite the prediction that it would be an early freeze. The airconditioner droned louldly in the silence of the night, and I suddenly realized I must have a fever. I tried to get up and terror gripped me when I could not move my legs, a heavy weight pressed on my chest. I must be having a heart attack something screamed in my mind, I tried in vain to move an arm. Panic clutched at the breath in my thoat as I fought to call for help. Then one of my dogs licked me on my face, another shifted off my chest and finally my legs were free. I tossed back the blankets and realized just how cold it really had gotten, a five dog night.

[blim]

And then God said.....what? Mid sentence? Leaving us yearning for the rest? Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Two great pieces of writing, guys! Keep up the good work. Macmarauder, you're going to fix the spelling, right? thanks for sharing

Liz

[bar5]

Argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. I hate when they say"To Be Continued"

Suspense, Part II, next week.

Good writing from both of you.

Barb

[screi]

I awoke drenched in sweat despite the prediction that it would be an early freeze. The airconditioner droned louldly in the silence of the night, and I suddenly realized I must have a fever. I tried to get up and terror gripped me when I could not move my legs, a heavy weight pressed on my chest. I must be having a heart attack something screamed in my mind, I tried in vain to move an arm. Panic clutched at the breath in my thoat as I fought to call for help. Then one of my dogs licked me on my face, another shifted off my chest and finally my legs were free. I tossed back the blankets and realized just how cold it really had gotten, a five dog night.

..ohh..very good pete...

[Pete_C]

Not meant as a hijack, but the theme of this thread got me thinking so here is a stream of consciousness.

I am oort, known as the most worthless of the clan; it is doubtful that I will ever get a woman even the starving bucktoothed halfwit. I am lucky to be allowed to keep my wretched life. If it were not for the leader I would long ago have been leopard food or starved and been eaten by the carrion birds we use to find old kills to scavenge. I am smaller than the others, more a hindrance than an asset in the clans search for food. If it were not for my skill at making sharp rocks , the leader would not have let me stay with the clan and I would have been long dead.

I awoke in the predawn light of the savanna, the mists eerily colored the red of fresh blood , the rock on which we has sought shelter the night before , slick with morning dew. The night before..., the air was still thick with the smoke from the grass fire where the noisy god - giver and taker of life - had reached down his claws and touched the earth. The fire had swept the grasslands driven by the winds before the god let loose the lifegiving water upon the land. Some had tried vainly to outrun the fire , like the beasts of the plain; I had spotted the rocky outcrop and pointed it out to the leader. Fire did not burn the rock , we would be safe there and he had rallied the clan and we had made it just in time. He then severely beat me to make sure I knew my place.

The others were stirring, all about us was scorched earth; we must make it to some trees and water before the fire god got to high in the sky. The leader called and we set out, pairs and singles , young and old, following leader towards the unseen distant forest. Hunger gnawing at our bellies , there would be no fresh kills to scavenge; all the animals had fled the flames . We journeyed on across the dusty dead landscape , bleak and barren towards an unseen goal.

There were no carrion birds circling, and at all the others had ignored the distant object as another dark rock ; but something caught my nose. There was a curious smell, unlike the smoke and ash of the grasses. I worked my way away from the clan and towards the object. It was the remains of a recent kill, blackened by the fire and not exuding the smell of rotting flesh which attracted the carrion birds. It smelled different, somehow good. I tore off a peice of the charred flesh and tasted it. Pure extasy, the flavor exploded in my mouth. IT was not the nauseating putrid rotting flesh we normally stole from the carrion birds; it was easy to chew and very good to eat. I called for the clan and they came over and watched in horror at me eating from the burned carcass. Leader hit me so hard that I fell to the ground stunned. I was low on the social ladder and should not have eaten before he had his fill. Yet it had been my discovery. I had found the flesh transformed by the fire god and I had found out how good it was.

I limped off towards the limited shade of a still smoldering tree to await my turn at feeding from the bounty I had discovered. I looked at the tree, still smoking from lower branches and saw the flames where the fire god was still transforming it as he had transformed the carcass which tasted so good. I grasped it by an unburned part and pulled down. The flames leaped up and rushed towards me. I relased it and jumped back. The flames died back and resumed their original upward path. I overcame my fear and touched the branch again. The flames did not attack me. I bent the branch and they moved up towards me. This time I did not recoil. I snapped the branch off and raised it in the air, the flames retreated.

I carried my prize back towards the clan , leader charged as if he would beat me again. I saw a small patch of unburned grass on some nearby rock and raced there. Whiling my prize above my head then pointing it and touching the grass which burst into flame. I now commanded the fire god. I turned to leader , brandished the flaming brand and made as if to point it at him. Leader fled, now I was leader. I went to the kill , ate my fill and collected the skull which I packed with glowing coals from the tree and carrying my smoldering brand began leading the clan towards the distant treeline.

I had overcome my fears, I was now human.

Edited November 27, 2005 by Pete_C

[macmarauder]

And then God said.....what? Mid sentence? Leaving us yearning for the rest? Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Two great pieces of writing, guys! Keep up the good work. Macmarauder, you're going to fix the spelling, right? thanks for sharing

Liz

yeah i just haven't written that part yet, sorry. and forgive the spelling too, i slapped it together and it's about 20 pages crammed to together. and the spelling, well you know me, i'd misspell God if it wasn't doG spelt backwards.

[rv56]

Wow....I'm just totally blown away...

Excellent...and I mean Excellent Writting Mac and Pete C...

[robroy]

I hyave only one thing to say to both of you

Keep on writing, excellent work

[Pete_C]

I think that what I was attempting to point out (at least subconsciously) was the importance of descriptive sensory input.

curious creature was pushing a stick into a peice of bark. there were piles of different rocks and broken sticks around him. Then suddenly fire erupted in the bark.

is the only image and sensory aspect in the oringinal excerpt. Both the God and watcher come across as totally vague, and the caveman and setting are entirely undeveloped.

Yes, both my examples likewise would need embellishment; but they are a first draft, and unless you are one of the truely great authors of all time you need to do repeated rewrites of your work (when I once fancied myself as a potential Scifi author , I did at least ten drafts for each short story and still found them lacking and not worthy.)

Reread your work and ask what can handle more description, what can invoke an image (scent is as important as vision and sound not far behind) of the setting for the senses. What can develope the character(s) more clearly. Look for runon sentences. Can they be split and used to generate two complete thoughts? Emotions; make the reader feel for a character (or hate him) .

The worst part of religious stories is that they have been done before and usually much better. Before you proceed to far on this story; find a copy of the Book of Enoch (?SP) which was removed from The Bible in the third or fourth century by the Constantinian council of bishops (Synod?) along with several others. Not the first time they decided to edit Gods word and not the last. It does however contain much information on your theme.

http://reluctant-messenger.com/1enoch01-60.htm

Note that you should just google book of enoch for some more info

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Book+...G=Google+Search

See also that originally, angel meant watcher.

Also ,give consideration into interpreting this book as an explanation of various birth defects such as acromegaly (gigantism) which was common at the time (nb Goliath of David and Goliath fits the description of someone with a pituitary tumor excellently) and pregnancy of unwed mothers (note the use of the word biters/bastards and reprobate to describe these children).

Edited November 29, 2005 by Pete_C