Housing Complaints

[tictoc5150]

I found this on another message board and had a good chuckle at a few of them, thought some of you guys might find it funny.

sorry if any are offended, a few are a little risque

These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and

Housing associations throughout the UK:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly

when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls

against my fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside

toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from

the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it

is cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny

colour and not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three

pieces.

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00am his **** wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden,

which is unsightly and dangerous.

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and

would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would

you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job

and satisfy my wife.

16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six

times but I still have had no satisfaction.

17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back

passage has fungus in it.

18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and

I just can't take it any more.

[bozodog]

Oohh jeesch. I know someone that is a caretaker in council housing. Sent this off to him, smilin'!! Too, too funny! Thanx

This is his forum, check out my "Jokers Corner"

[echobay]

...he he he 50% of them made me giggle.50% of them made me laugh out loud and the rest are just plain filthy!

Thanks for the fun tictoc!

[hitest]

Heh-heh, funny stuff, great post.

[Snaxe]

a few are a little risque

a little? hehe

[tictoc5150]

a few are a little risque

a little? hehe

heh...I figured if our fearless young leader can take the 4 letter words some of the potty mouths use in #besttechie, then this is nothin'...lol

[Kat]

excellent! Thanks for the laugh

[flashh4]

the best laughs ive had in a while... very very good. .......STAY SAFE

[tenmm]

Gotta wonder how many of those people are here as well??

Collisions, calamities, and injuries.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

[robroy]

great stuff people, laughing too hard to type

read one a long time ago on insurance claim form

the tree jumped out in front of me

JD

[tg1911]

tictoc5150, and tenmm, great posts.

It's amazing how a couple of words or punctuation, in the wrong place, can change the whole meaning of a sentence.

Here's one I got in an E-mail:

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually

appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary

Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon

tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in t

he recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of

those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget

your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled

due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile

at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't

care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving

obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a

nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the

help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests

tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir

will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in

the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is

Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be

recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the

deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a

healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment

and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They

may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across

from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All

ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would

lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please

use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the

Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to

attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.

[tictoc5150]

tg1911, VERY funny....good for quite a few laughs

[cowsgonemadd3]

Pretty good!