George Carlin

[martymas]

how many are familair with george carlin

i have a coupla articles from him

here is a radio broadcast from him

must warn you there is a swear word in here

tho ive seen it posted on the board

it starts with b-------t

so if you are affended dont go there

have your sound turned on and your player enabled

georges view on religion

georges views

George Carlin's Views on Aging

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George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40,REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay " them " .

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's Workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love,Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

[tg1911]

Good stuff, marty!

[handplane]

Hey marty,

The "george's view" link is not working!!

[tenmm]

I think this is it.

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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 ... and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime!

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

[martymas]

Hey marty,

The "george's view" link is not working!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yo handplane yes that is happening to me now

it was working when i tested it before i posted

ive been back to the site and it isnt working there either

ive emailed the

person concerned

i thought it may have been the creaters or this board

disabling it. but some how it has been

disabled once i posted it.

marty

[handplane]

marty,

No problem.

I just wanted you to know.

[martymas]

Hey marty,

The "george's view" link is not working!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yo handplane yes that is happening to me now

it was working when i tested it before i posted

ive been back to the site and it isnt working there either

ive emailed the

person concerned

i thought it may have been the creaters or this board

disabling it. but some how it has been

disabled once i posted it.

marty

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks handplane

click on the the website

quoted on the error page and have a look in there.

one of the problems with george carlin

he swore very loudly and got the backs up of the puritans

and the religious bodys .

but he told the truth and

some how human beings dont like the truth

which means we are liars at heart

but we want to make people think

we tell the truth

carlin was different ,he told it weather you liked it or not

the thing i differed from hims

he was a profuse swearer and he swore at every thing and everyone

and i objected to him swearing in front of children

tho in his definations

they are only words.

marty

[blim]

I love George Carlin! What an accurate view of life he has,

Thanks, Marty,

Liz

[macmarauder]

here's some old funny radio spots. i listened to most of them and i'm pretty sure that george is the voice for several of them. like the sugar shockers one.

http://www.veryfunnydownloads.com/radio-adverts

Edited July 12, 2005 by macmarauder

[martymas]

here's some old funny radio spots. i listened to most of them and i'm pretty sure that george is the voice for several of them. like the sugar shockers one.

http://www.veryfunnydownloads.com/radio-adverts

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yes that is george

cant mistake his voice

i have some those somr where

thanks

marty

[martymas]

im sure some of these voices are george carlins

georges voice

[martymas]

ok im back to bed

im haveing a bad week

double posting.

got into a slangimg match on another board

in the end i was right

i hav to blame it on a tummy bug

i couldnt hold my tucker down

is that a good enough excuse

sorry team

marty

[blim]

Marty, you don't need an excuse for double posting!! I've done it and I have absolutely no idea how.....poof! There's two posts sitting there! I've lost posts into thin air by hitting the reply button, where they go, who knows?? And folks shouldn't slam anyone--I bet I can guess what board you got into your "slanging match" in--they are brutal over there--I'd be scared to death to even post there. I'm glad you came out right in the end

Sure hope your tummy feels better!

Liz

[martymas]

Marty, you don't need an excuse for double posting!!  I've done it and I have absolutely no idea how.....poof!  There's two posts sitting there!  I've lost posts into thin air by hitting the reply button, where they go, who knows??  And folks shouldn't slam anyone--I bet I can guess what board you got into your "slanging match" in--they are brutal over there--I'd be scared to death to even post there.  I'm glad you came out right in the end 

Sure hope your tummy feels better!

Liz

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks blim

yes this bug is going around

i have friends who have had it

at first a thought i had the complaint you get when your balance plays up

but now im convinced it was a tummy bug

i had a bucket beside my bed

but didnt need to use it

hope you dont catch it off me

marty

[blim]

Me, too, Marty! Haven't thown up in years and hate it. Drink lots of lukewarm water or lukewarm Coca-Cola--small sips every 20 minutes. Get better soon!

Liz

[macmarauder]

Me, too, Marty!  Haven't thown up in years and hate it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[blim]

Oh, geez, Macmarauder, what a way to start off the top of a page.....Lurkers are saying, "huh, what???"

(the "me too" was in response to Marty hoping no one gets his stomach bug!)

Liz

[hitest]

Carlin rules!

Great post, thanks, I'm a great fan!

[rv56]

Those were great Marty...

Carlin fan also... ...."The Hippy Dippy Weather Man".....

Hope you feel better soon...

[tenmm]

Dave

(Knocking)

Chong-Who is it?

Cheech-It's me Dave, open up, I got the stuff.

(Long Pause.Knocking.)

Chong-Who is it.

Cheech-It's me Dave, man, open up I got the stuff.

Chong-Who??

Cheech-It's Dave, man, open up, I think the cops saw me come in here.

(Pause.Knocking.)

Chong-Who is it?

Cheech-(Getting A Little Mad)It's, it's Dave, man, will you open up I got the stuff with me.

Chong-Who?!

Cheech-DAVE!!Man, open up!

Chong-Dave??

Cheech-Yeah, Dave!Come on man open up!I think the cops saw me-

Chong-Dave's Not Here!!

Cheech-(Frantically Knocking.)Open Up The Door It's Dave!!!

Chong-WHO?!

Cheech-DAVE!!D-A-V-E!!!!!WILL YOU OPEN UP THE G_DD__NED DOOR!!!

Chong-DAVE??

Cheech-YEAH DAVE!!

Chong-DAVE??!!

Cheech-Right man, Dave.Now will you open up the door??

(Pause)

Chong-DAVE'S NOT HERE!!

I all so like these two guys.

[macmarauder]

Oh, geez, Macmarauder, what a way to start off the top of a page.....Lurkers are saying, "huh, what???"   

(the "me too" was in response to Marty hoping no one gets his stomach bug!)

Liz

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah i know, i did it like that on purpose. seemed funnier at the time. besides what's posting if you can't scare a lurker once in a while :D

[blim]

Macmarauder, I kinda figured you did that on purpose, you stinker!!

Tenmm, I like Cheech and Chong, too! Remember their Santa Clause Song?

Liz

[tenmm]

Macmarauder, I kinda figured you did that on purpose, you stinker!!   

Tenmm, I like Cheech and Chong, too!  Remember their Santa Clause Song?

Liz

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The one where santa gives himself a little bit more"magic dust"

[blim]

A little for Santa Clause, a little bit more for Santa Clause, a little bit more for Santa Clause......yep, that's the one! Ah, a Christmas Classic.....

Liz