martymas Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 how many fathers issue this chalenge. im one martyTen simple rules for dating my daughter --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ten simple rules for dating my daughter --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Rule OneIf you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be delivering a package because you're sure not picking anything up.Rule TwoDo not touch my daughter in my presence. You may glare at her adoringly, so long as you do not peer at anything below the neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter I will remove them.Rule ThreeI am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off of your hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. If you show up at my home with your pants falling down I will be forced to ensure that they do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter by taking my electric staple gun and fastening the pants directly to your waist.Rule FourI'm sure you've been told that sex in today's world without a "barrier device" can kill you. Let me elaborate: I am the barrier, and I will kill you.Rule FiveCurrent thinking is that in order for you and me to get to know each other, we should talk politics, sports, and other issues. Do not do this. Your ignorance and stupidity will only serve to anger me. The only information I require of you is when you will have my daughter home. To this end, you only need two words: "early" and "sir."Rule SixI have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it's okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you've gone out with my little girl you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry harder.Rule SevenAs you stand in my hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time you should not be dating my daughter. She is doing her hair, putting on make-up, or whatever; a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car.Rule EightThe following places are not appropriate places to take my daughter: places with beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool - places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight - places that are dark or poorly lit - places where there is dancing, holding hands, or excessive happiness - places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat - movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme. Hockey games are okay, old folks homes are better, a convent is best.Rule NineDo not ever lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.Rule TenBe afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of you car in the driveway for a chopper coming over a rice paddy. When my PTSD starts kicking in, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Note the camouflaged face in the window is mine. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
echobay Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 how many fathers issue this chalenge. im one marty Oh my GAWD...Dad is that you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
robroy Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 and you have to know all 10 rules before you even ask for the date Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tictoc5150 Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 heh, and to think I wanted a daughter...almost makes me glad that'll I'll be having a son.Then again, I'll have to worry about my son pi$$ing off all the psycho fathers out there when he acts just like his dad at that age and corrupts all the young ladies of the neighborhood Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martymas Posted May 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 i have to say there are some fathers like that.the point is how do you manage your childrens life this applis to boys as well as girls.i think back on how i was managed. and apply that rule to my kids.my mum and dad were quite liberal.tho sex was a hush word in our house.you were allowed to think it but not mention it.children of to day are more.aware of the world than i was.and i think this applys to our era.good luck tictoc5150that link isnt as bad as we make it out.most daughters are spoilt rotten by their fathers.and most daughters can twist fathers round their little fingers.i know i have a daughter.and 3 sons and i love them all irrespective of their gender.take care tictoc5150and good luck with your wee one. marty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Matt Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 ROFL ........ so that's what they're all thinking.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vile_DR Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 I can't wait to have kids...lol...daughters sons, either one are going to have friends thinking that i am a crazy old man...lol...Nice read Marty...definitely giving me ideas for the future... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blim Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 Oh my GAWD...Dad is that you? I grew up with 4 sisters--no brothers-- and we were "stairsteps"--meaning not only 5 under the age of 5, but 5 GIRLS between the ages of 13 and 18 (the stories I could tell). I'm the oldest, so those rules applied to me the most. I remember the first time a boy came to the house--my dad answered the door and said,"Who the hell are you and what the hell do you want with my daughter?"On one hand, thank God I wasn't home--I was totally humiliated--but on the other hand, that boy never contacted me again...and he was so cute! I'll have to print this one off and give it to my folks. Thanks, Marty! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
irregularjoe Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 LOL! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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