How To Handle Telemarketers

[rv56]

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my car won't start..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: (Wait for a second) With a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would YOU be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get blood out? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?"

9. Ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to their fellow employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang-up.

12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number, you will call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder...louder...louder...

19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write DOWN EVERY WORD.

[fubz]

LOL, i got to try some of those... the only problem is i havn't been called in years :-/

[blim]

Printed that one out for my Dad. He loves to taunt telemarketers!!! Mom might not be too happy with more ammo, but she says, "just a minute, talk to my husband". Gives Dad something to do Thanks, RV!

Liz

[tg1911]

Good ones, rv56.

[goman87]

haha, those are great, it's fun to play around with telemarketers. I must try this one : 12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number, you will call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up. --- Because it's off of Seinfeld!

[thesidekickcat]

I am so glad you gave me some new ideas, though have used a few on your list over the years.

My favorite to do is #12, ask for their home phone # to call them back when I get back from choose one (or more) hospital, morgue, jail, lawyers, debt collection agency (that's always good for a laugh if only on my part!), funeral, bankruptcy court hearing, etc. Whatever comes to mind.

Also #2 works nicely too, combined with telling them it took alot of energy to get up and answer phone, then talk to them while you pretend to get back to your chair, tell them why you hurt so bad, about bad doctors, incorrect diagnosis, just lay it on so thick they will be apologizing all over the place for disturbing you. Ha!

#3 was one I did the years we were on the Oregon No Call List, and then told them why after I got all the info, plus told them I was turning them in to the State Attorney General and he not only would fine the company but the person who called me for breaking No Call law. Ha Ha! I loved to do that one to them, especially if my caller id already showed who it was.

Not on the list, but a good one to do, is if the number shows on caller id, call it right back after hanging up with them, and report that one of their employees by so and so name is breaking the law and should be fired. Turn it in to AG anyhow.

#8 is a funny one, never thought of asking about blood removal. But it is amazing how those companies will not believe you don't have carpets even when it is true!

Another one is to try is tell them I will listen to your spiel if you listen to mine first for whatever you might be selling. I actually once sold a membership and products in a multi-level deal that later was ruled to be a pyramid scheme with worthless products (I still say the stuff worked great in fact still works great.)

Anyhow when you get done with your sales pitch, say there's someone coming up steps to door, a long phone cord or cordless phone works great here as you can go to door to ring doorbell and make it sound real. Ha!

I figure it is turn about fair play for violating my home space, and the No Call List.

I had a call the other day during my breakfast, sounded like some recording, so just as I was ready to hang up the young man paused for breath and asked if I was there, I said yes but thought he was a recording. My saying that hurt His feelings. No apology to me for bothering me, but I shouldn't have assumed he was a recording. Ha! Then we proceeded to have an argument about whether the city should tax cell phone users the same as regular phone users. He mentioned a local politician by name and mispronounced it, plus got the city council members names mixed up with county commisioners. So when I got tired of it I asked him where he lived. Washington. I said D.C. Yes. Ha! It was a nationwide cell phone company association campaign against the tax. Yeah he was local alright. Sure folks.

So have fun with telemarketers folks.

Pat.

God bless everyone.

[bozodog]

The best one is to just tell them to hold on a second..... go back and hang up the phone when you hear it disconnect.