Makai Posted August 23, 2005 Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 Just got these. They're pretty good.>A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby>in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's>dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that>there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.>>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX>----------------------------------------------------------------------------->At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.>>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he>had died of a "massive internal fart.">Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.>I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your>right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now>your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There>was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I>turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was>standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to>finish the exam.>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA>>------------------------------------------------------------------------->During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,>he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his>medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to>put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to>put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I>wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!>Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch>before applying a new one.>Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA>>----------------------------------------------------------------------->While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long>have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she>answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was>alive.">Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR>>------------------------------------------------------------------->I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your>breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky>Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied.>then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet>labeled "KY Jelly.">Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI>>---------------------------------------------------------------->A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with>purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of>tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly>determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled>for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating>table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above>it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was>completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which>said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn.">>and finally....................................>>A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrass ed>performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had>unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady>upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and>further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly>said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but>the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".>Dr. wouldn't admit his name............... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DarkestDream Posted August 23, 2005 Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 (edited) "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT FUNNY!!! "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener"HAHAHAHAHA Edited August 23, 2005 by DarkestDream Quote Link to post Share on other sites
echobay Posted August 23, 2005 Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 Very cute Quote Link to post Share on other sites
fubz Posted August 23, 2005 Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 wow... lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
goman87 Posted August 23, 2005 Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 Haha, those are good. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tg1911 Posted August 23, 2005 Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 :lol: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Makai Posted August 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 It's gonna be hard to keep a straight face next time someone tells me they have to "mow the lawn". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rv56 Posted August 23, 2005 Report Share Posted August 23, 2005 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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