martymas Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 hi team i think i posted this before but here goes againAustralia Tourism Webste... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense humour. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perthto Sydney- can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and HerveyBay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-liais that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forgetit. Sure, the ViennaBoys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydneyand is milk available all year round? A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australiawho can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmaniawhere the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: I was in Australiain 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blim Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 Oooooh, Naked Hippo Racing?? I want to go!!! I live in a "tourist trap" (and have ahem, stretched the truth to the Touries dumb questions--how fun), those are great. Thanks, Marty!Liz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chappy Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 I saw the exact same thing except it was written about Canada, and the Hippo races were in Calgary...Funny as all heck Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rv56 Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 ....theres no hippo's in Calgary? But.... ....what... I mean.... ....aaaawww man!! **rv tears up his tourist tickets** Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chappy Posted August 8, 2005 Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 **rv tears up his tourist tickets**Not so fast RV... I hear you can trade them in for the Giraffe 1500 meter hurdles finals in P.A. later this summer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martymas Posted August 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2005 hi chappy while your there i watched a program om E online and they were profileing maryia Caerrie [not sure how to spell it and the presenter said she was dressed in more hair than clothes i closed my eyes i didnt want to see her just dressed in hair .marty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rv56 Posted August 9, 2005 Report Share Posted August 9, 2005 **rv tears up his tourist tickets**Not so fast RV... I hear you can trade them in for the Giraffe 1500 meter hurdles finals in P.A. later this summer.<{POST_SNAPBACK}>Thats right to Dave... I forgot all about that....thanks I was going to go for the Regina Tortoise 5 meter relay race....I heard that it's a 2 week event. Well maybe next year... ***Hi Marty *** Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.