bar5 Posted May 29, 2005 Report Share Posted May 29, 2005 I just got this from another board, thought you might enjoy it.Disorder in the American CourtsThese quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.----------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Are you sexually active?A: No, I just lie there.------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What is your date of birth?A: July 18th.Q: What year?A: Every year.---------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: This Myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?A: Yes.Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?A: I forget.Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?---------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?A: Thirty-eight or thirty five, I can't remember which.Q: How long has he lived with you?A: Forty-five years.------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"Q: And why did that upset you?A: My name is Susan.-------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?A: We both do.Q: Voodoo?A: We do.Q: You do?A: Yes, voodoo.-------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?-------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?--------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?---------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?A: Yes.Q: And what were you doing at that time?-------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes.Q: How many were boys?A: None.Q: Were there any girls?--------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How was your first marriage terminated?A: By death.Q: And by whose death was it terminated?--------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Can you describe the individual?A: He was about medium height and had a beard.Q: Was this a male or a female?-------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?A: Oral.-------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.Q: And Mr. Dennington ws dead at the time?A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.-------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?A: No.Q: Did you check for blood pressure?A: No.Q: Did you check for breathing?A: No.Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?A: NoQ: How can you be so sure, Doctor?A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blim Posted May 29, 2005 Report Share Posted May 29, 2005 LOL! Proving once again that the truth is way funnier than fiction!! Thanks, Barb.Liz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
marko_tomas13 Posted May 29, 2005 Report Share Posted May 29, 2005 "A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere" these are amazing Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rv56 Posted May 29, 2005 Report Share Posted May 29, 2005 bar5......those are good.... Amazing what people can come up with.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
echobay Posted May 29, 2005 Report Share Posted May 29, 2005 Really funny barb Quote Link to post Share on other sites
robroy Posted May 29, 2005 Report Share Posted May 29, 2005 Love the last oneI have a couple of friends who are lawyers and copies are on the way to them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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