irregularjoe Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 The age old question. Does heaven and/ or hell exist. Theologians, philosophers, and other great thinkers have debated this topic for millennium.I think I now agree that it does exist.Not only that, but I think I know exactly, in detail, what it is.Quite simply, if judgment for you upon your death is to go to hell, you will end up for eternity, at one giant Wal-Mart. There will be no exit. Anything that you need for your existence in hell (Wal-Mart), will always be at the opposite end of the infinite store. The shopping carts will always have at least one broken wheel. If you need help during your eternity in hell (Wal-Mart), you will occasionally notice what appear to be staff loitering around. You'll be able to recognize them from the rest of the internees by their blue vests. When you approach them they will quickly turn in another direction and disappear. These blue vested beings are kind of like trustees. You can only apply for the position of trustee after spending billions of years pushing around the shopping cart with at least one broken wheel. After your application is accepted, you have to stand in line at the "service desk" for another billion years. It will be reviewed by beings that cannot read and then promptly lost. In order to reapply you will have to contact a manager. You can reach them at an 800 number, although after you get through the menu of a billion options the office will probably be closed. However, don't fret. You are after all here forever and can call back tomorrow. Unless of course your cell phone battery gives out. But if it does they have some replacement batteries on the other end of the store. Probably not the one you need though.You might want to opt out of the trustee program. It's not required and offers no benefits other than the blue vest and the ability to walk around hell (Wal-Mart) without the need to push the shopping cart with at least one broken wheel. After an indefinite amount of time shopping in hell you might hear your name broadcast over the public announce system instructing you to proceed to the one cashier station that is open out of the billions that are closed. (it will be on the opposite side of the infinite store). Take your time to get there, as there will be billions of beings in line (most with screaming little beings). Each one of the lucky beings in front of you in line will have at least one item that does not scan. This will require a price check from one of the blue vested trustees. Prepare to wait an additional billion years when this occurs.If you ever did make it to the front of the line the register would go offline and a manager would need to be called. (see above) Most scholars agree that in the unlikelihood of your ever actually making it through the checkout counter and toward the exit a security alarm would go off and many security personnel ( a slightly higher grade than the blue vested trustees) would tackle you to the ground, put you in a neck hold, and do a full body search and x-ray scan to detect evidence of salmonella infected food that you might have stolen and ingested during your multi billion year internment.Finding such evidence would be inevitable. You would then be returned to the back of the line to repeat the experience again. Only this time with a shopping cart with at least two broken wheels.On the other hand, Heaven, by default, is simply the assurance of never having to go to hell (Wal-Mart).Joe Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bozodog Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 OMG!!! How true it is.......... Great laugh, Joe. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hitest Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 Ha-ha, good one, Joe:-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
novi Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 Thank you joe,I needed a laugh today. I am on vacation this week, and had nothing but problems this week. My router went south on friday, ups for the computer went last nite and I was supposed to get my truck back today from a friend up in New York. (he is way below prices from my mechanic and from the Ford dealer) We are supposed to be leaving for vacation today and it looks like I won't be here when the truck gets back. Thanks for letting me ramble on.Take care,Pat Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JDoors Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 So a trip to Wal-Mart NOW is Hell on Earth? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheTerrorist_75 Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 Wal-Mart is evil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rv56 Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Not only is that hilarious......but it so perfectly describes the truth. Mind if I copy this and send to friends irregularjoe ? They will get a real kick out of this......so funny and yet so accurate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
irregularjoe Posted August 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 (edited) Not only is that hilarious......but it so perfectly describes the truth. Mind if I copy this and send to friends irregularjoe ? They will get a real kick out of this......so funny and yet so accurate. "Mind if I copy this and send to friends irregularjoe ? They will get a real kick out of this......so funny and yet so accurate"Be my guest. And thanks for the compliment.Joe Edited August 28, 2008 by irregularjoe Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sultan_emerr Posted August 31, 2008 Report Share Posted August 31, 2008 Good one! Does this also appy to Sam's Club? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
irregularjoe Posted September 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2008 Good one! Does this also appy to Sam's Club? I know they are the same company, but it doesn't seem as painful shopping there for some reason. I'm not sure why. Maybe the membership thing? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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