I Hate Working On Cars!

[JDoors]

Headlight goes out on the way to work. When I used to work on cars for a living that meant you unscrewed a metal frame, unplugged the bulb, plugged in the new bulb and screwed the frame back in.

But no-o-o-o-ooo ... I pop the hood. You can't see anything, there are plastic covers over the access to the headlights. Hey, they're hinged, convenient, no?

OK, there's a hole in the metalwork the size of a small child's fist ... You can't actually SEE anything because there's no way for light to get in there ... So ... get out the worklight. But, the only way to illuminate the bulb assembly is to hold the light directly over the hole. Now how can you force your hand in there with a hot worklight blocking the hole? You can't.

So ... you shove your hand in there after assessing how you have to blindly twist off a ring that holds the bulb in place. But ... there's not enough room in there to MOVE your hand, let alone grasp the ring, let alone get some leverage to twist it with enough force to move it.

Ok, catch your breath, stop cursing the engineers at Ford ... Try something different: Unplug the wires before you figure out how to get the ring off. But there's a clip holding the wires in place, and you have to pry the clip up WHILE taking the plug off. But you can't get anything but the one hand in there! How do you do BOTH at the same time?

Fine, you break the friggin' clip off and unplug the lamp. There's not enough room to back the plug away from the lamp! So you push and finagle the cord until it's just, JUST, out of the way. Now you're mad enough to twist the friggin' ring off and if anything breaks FINE!!!

Now, remember where I said there's barely enough room to fit your hand in there? The bulb is several inches long. There's not enough room for you hand, AND the bulb. Grr.......

So you wiggle and twist -- and remember, you're doing this blindly -- hoping you don't break the glass and wind up bleeding on the assembly making it slippery and even more difficult to extracate. Deep breath.

If you drop anything, if the plug slips through the little hole it enters through, or the ring slips out of your hands, or the bulb drops, you will never see it again.

Got it out.

Get the spare bulb I've had since the last time I went through this. Wiggle and twist, blindly trying to stick it where it belongs -- OK, it's aligned ... but it's not going in! Why ... won't ... this ... fit?!?

I manage to hold onto the bulb, pull it back out, and it differs microscopically from the dead bulb. But ... I bought a two-pack last time, this bulb HAS to be the same. But ... it isn't.

So it's off to the store to buy a bulb that'll fit. Who knows, and by now who cares, why the second bulb in the pack is different from the first one. Deep breaths.

Look up the correct part number, there are eight different bulbs. "The best!" "Even better!" "Brightest!" "Last's longer!" "Blue!" "THREE COLORS!" (Three colors, for a HEADLIGHT?!?) One even says its better for old folks who have weak eyesight (made a note of that part number).

I grab the correct one, the package is opened. I grab the next one and start to go ... Hey, wait a minute, this ISN'T the correct one! The bulbs are not in order, they're all mixed up. I have to take eight or so bulbs off the rack to find the one I need way in the back. Deep ... aww, you know.

Check out (through the self-serve line, there's a line at every other checkout) go home, and start the whole process over again.

To change a freakin' lightbulb.

[TheTerrorist_75]

Automobiles started going bad when they put computers in them. They make everything smaller and lighter to get better mileage. What a crock. My old '60s Chevy pickup with a 283 had more torque and got better mileage than my '88 GMC with a V-6. The older one was better built and a lot more solid. I could change the points in a couple of minutes and rebuilt the carb in less than a half hour. Try messing with the electronics crap in todays vehicles and it will take much longer and cost over 500% more. I have had big blocks from the '60s and '70s in heavy cars (4000 lbs.+) get around 20 m.p.g. when built to my specs.

[AdamF]

I *KNEW* you were talking about a Ford from the second paragraph before I even got as far as you identifying the brand. I've got the challenge of again replacing the passenger-side bulb on my car and I've been putting it off and putting it off because I know how much of a hand-cutting, wrist-crunching, mentally-infuriating task it is!!

AAAGH

[Honda_Boy]

my right headlight went out the other night on my way home from work. I had a spare in glove box. I get home. Pop the hood. grab the wiring harness and unplug it. Nothing special needed just grab it and pull. Next remove the rubber piece that keeps water out. Then move a little clip out of the way that holds the bulb in. Remove bulb and replace with new one. Clip it in, put the rubber back on and plug the wiring harness in. Done.

it's the same on all civics 96-00. Mines a 96 hatch. Simplicity, I love it.

PS what year car (and what model at that) and does it not take a standard H4? Never buy a ford again get a Honda

[bozodog]

I Hate Working On Cars!

I know where you're coming from. I've always done my own annual tune-ups. Like whats the deal? Cap, rotor, wires and plugs. Yeah! Now I own a GMC Safari and have yet to see or find a plug wire or the distributor. Now, I've replaced the wiper motor, what a pain! And the water pump, Jeesch! But still no sign of plugs or wires...

I swear they make 'em like this to gain revenue at the dealers. And what a rip that is.... Upwards of $70 an hour when the "wrenchie" is barely making enough to support his family. And simple maintainence takes 2-3 times longer.

[TheTerrorist_75]

I Hate Working On Cars!

I know where you're coming from. I've always done my own annual tune-ups. Like whats the deal? Cap, rotor, wires and plugs. Yeah! Now I own a GMC Safari and have yet to see or find a plug wire or the distributor. Now, I've replaced the wiper motor, what a pain! And the water pump, Jeesch! But still no sign of plugs or wires...

I swear they make 'em like this to gain revenue at the dealers. And what a rip that is.... Upwards of $70 an hour when the "wrenchie" is barely making enough to support his family. And simple maintainence takes 2-3 times longer.

FAQ Farm has some answers for working on vehicles. There are other forums dealing with GMC/GM that have help sections.

GMC Safari FAQ

For a '99 Safari van.

To get to the spark plugs of the Safari Van, the best way to do it is to take off the engine housing in the passenger compartment. There are latches on the sides of the housing, plus two bolts next to the latches, plus there are two nuts down on the floor- you have to really put your head down there to see them. Then there are a couple of braces there as well. Just stack everything outside as you go, so you can put it back to gether in the same order when you are done. Having a universal joint for your socket will also make getting the plugs out easier. With the cover off you will be able to see all four rear plugs. The front two you can feel, but not see. You can either reach those from inside the van, or from underneath.

[JDoors]

Automobiles started going bad when they put computers in them. ...

Oh, way before then, though computers made them more complicated. The first change in American cars was the Ford Fairmont. I had worked on both foreign and domestic cars and when the first Fairmont came in and I popped the hood I thought, "Whoa, this is built like a foreign car!" Meaning: Plastic where domestics used metal, thin sheet steel where domestics used cast iron, etc.

Now, do you SEE any Ford Fairmonts around? Nope, they all fell apart. You don't see many old foreign cars either for the same reason -- light construction doesn't hold up (unless you do what everyone does now, using things like coated steel, aluminum, etc.). Of course other reasons you don't see old foreign cars is there weren't that many and they weren't desireable enough to keep running.

My old Mustang (based on the Fairmont BTW) was another example of dumb engineering. The heater core was leaking so, hey, how hard can THAT be? Screw off a cover, take off a couple of hose clamps, replace the core, the hoses and the cover. Twenty minutes maybe? Half an hour?

No. Uh-uh. The steering wheel has to come off (yes, the steering wheel), then you remove the windshield (yes, the windshield), then you remove then entire dashboard assembly. THEN you fix the heater core and put everything back together. It's an eight-hour job according to the book, and by golly, it took me eight hours (even though I cheated here and there, left the steering wheel and windshield in place).

I got a million similar stories and if someone (uh-hem) thinks foreign cars are somehow exempt from such stupidity they apparently have less experience with foreign cars than I do (oh boy, now I'm remembering some of the, shall we say "out of the box," engineering ideas foreign cars were and are infamous for -- Thank God not everything was copied by the domestics).

Cars, in general, suck (but I still love 'em). Computers, in general, suck (and I still love 'em). Jobs, in general, suck (uhhhh .... ).

[TheTerrorist_75]

The only Fords I ever owned were '62, '64 & '66 Galaxie 500s, '65, '66 & '68 Mustangs, '66 Fairlane GT and '72 & '06 F-150s. All of them were easy to work on except the newer '06 F-150 XL which I am glad it is under warranty. I would need to erect a scaffold to work under the hood. I haven't had many problems working on my '88 GMC Sierra winter rat/work truck.

Before the '88 and '06 the newest vehicle I owned was my favorite, '72 Pontiac Grand Prix SJ. That car rode fantastic, went real fast (155 m.p.h., checked by radar *cough*) and got 19 m.p.g. I would still have it if the frame didn't break beyond repair (went off the road and ran over a stump).

I detested the government rules requiring lowered compression, unleaded and cats. I have always been hooked on good old American muscle cars.

[Honda_Boy]

My B16A2 in my hatch is fairly high compression I think but I'd like to swap some higher compression B16B (Type-R) pistons in and maybe a B16B crank. None of that does me any good at the moment with my screwed clutch. I'm driving my dad's 98 Tacoma right now until I can get my hatch rolling right again. It's not a bad driving little truck. The shifter is not as easy to deal with as my coupe or hatch but it still is easy to drive for me since I've driven nothing but manual for 2 years straight (except when i had to drive my managers auto Corsica 2 different times, god I hate that car). I also kinda like driving my brothers 78 Chevy half-ton and the old 72 3/4 ton Chevy van despite the fact they are autos. Automatics just feel so wrong now.

It seems american auto manufactures are making cars harder and harder to work on so they can get more money off you. I'm sure newer japanese cars are too but probably not as bad. late 90's cavaliers and sunfires I've heard are huge pains to work on but 96-00 Civics are so simplistic (particularly hatch backs). I love working on my car with my brother cause it's not at all that hard to work on. My brother will tell ya though that changing the oil in 98 4Runner inline 4 isn't the easiest but it's easier than an 03 Cavalier. But a 95 Civic EX (stock motor) and a 96 Civic CX (B16 Swap) is much easier. And to think the motor is a 99-00 motor.

Edited November 19, 2006 by Honda_Boy

[JSKY]

I'm sorry JDoors.

But I had to leave the room and quite reading after I read your post......Laughing to hard.....LOL

I feel for you cause I know these newer hand traps also. But it was a reading worth reading....

Have you thought of going into stand up comedy? That would have had them rolling on the floor...

[macmarauder]

what's really sad is that pretty much all of them are like that. i have yet to see a newer car that's not a pain to work on.

[bozodog]

Wow! Thanx T-75 That's a great link to use. We went to the library and got a Chiltons but it had no tune-up info at all.

BTW... one mechanic told us he gets to the front plugs through the wheel wells. Heh go figure, remove the front tires.....

[TheTerrorist_75]

Wow! Thanx T-75 That's a great link to use. We went to the library and got a Chiltons but it had no tune-up info at all.

BTW... one mechanic told us he gets to the front plugs through the wheel wells. Heh go figure, remove the front tires.....

Believe it or not, but I found that was the easiest way to change a couple of plugs on my mother's '86 Caprice. It was far easier than changing the plugs in a '69 Boss 429 Mustang. I had two of them that I serviced at the old speed shop. I had to pull the engines to change the plugs. After the third time the customers asked me if there was something that could be done to make it easier. I used a holesaw to drill holes in the fender wells in line with the plugs and used those plastic plugs used in floor pans to seal them. If they wanted to change the plugs they just popped those out.

[bearskin]

Wow! Thanx T-75 That's a great link to use. We went to the library and got a Chiltons but it had no tune-up info at all.

BTW... one mechanic told us he gets to the front plugs through the wheel wells. Heh go figure, remove the front tires.....

Believe it or not, but I found that was the easiest way to change a couple of plugs on my mother's '86 Caprice. It was far easier than changing the plugs in a '69 Boss 429 Mustang. I had two of them that I serviced at the old speed shop. I had to pull the engines to change the plugs. After the third time the customers asked me if there was something that could be done to make it easier. I used a holesaw to drill holes in the fender wells in line with the plugs and used those plastic plugs used in floor pans to seal them. If they wanted to change the plugs they just popped those out.

I'm glad you said that terrorist. I was too embarressed to think I was the only one dumb enough to drill holes in the fenderwell.

[TheTerrorist_75]

Wow! Thanx T-75 That's a great link to use. We went to the library and got a Chiltons but it had no tune-up info at all.

BTW... one mechanic told us he gets to the front plugs through the wheel wells. Heh go figure, remove the front tires.....

Believe it or not, but I found that was the easiest way to change a couple of plugs on my mother's '86 Caprice. It was far easier than changing the plugs in a '69 Boss 429 Mustang. I had two of them that I serviced at the old speed shop. I had to pull the engines to change the plugs. After the third time the customers asked me if there was something that could be done to make it easier. I used a holesaw to drill holes in the fender wells in line with the plugs and used those plastic plugs used in floor pans to seal them. If they wanted to change the plugs they just popped those out.

I'm glad you said that terrorist. I was too embarressed to think I was the only one dumb enough to drill holes in the fenderwell.

One must learn to modify cars to make life easier. I don't believe many engineers that design cars have ever worked on their own. hehehehe

[JDoors]

... I detested the government rules requiring lowered compression, unleaded and cats. I have always been hooked on good old American muscle cars.

Hate to be a nit-picker, but the government didn't "require" lower compression, it was just one way of meeting the pollution laws on-the-cheap. You can buy high compression engines right now that meet the rules in other (more expensive) ways. The leaded I don't miss, lead is bad stuff (which they replaced with even worse stuff that cost more, which they now have to replace with even more expensive stuff), and cats haven't had any negative effect that I'm aware (except for cost). BTW, cats also help if you want to modify an exhaust; you can pretty much eliminate everything BUT the cats to get a raucous sound, more flow, and still be quiet enough to avoid unwanted attention -- and it's almost always perfectly legal.

... I feel for you cause I know these newer hand traps also. ...

Oh wow, "hand trap." The next day at work I noticed a bright red, sore patch on my hand. I was surprised, where did that come from? I worry about aging and getting something really bad so I watch out for these things. It was hours before I remembered I had my hand jammed in a "hand trap" that morning. Yeah, forgetfullness ... that's not a symptom of aging, is it?

... I had to pull the engines to change the plugs. After the third time the customers asked me if there was something that could be done to make it easier. I used a holesaw to drill holes in the fender wells in line with the plugs and used those plastic plugs used in floor pans to seal them. If they wanted to change the plugs they just popped those out.

An old mechanic's trick that -- The first mass-market car I remember that had to have the engine pulled just to change plugs was the Chevy Monza when equipped with the V8.

Change of pace: Instead of how much cars suck, how about a story about how being a mechanic sucks?

So ... I simply have to install a trailer hitch. On a Pinto (no snickering). I align the hitch, mark everything, drill all the holes, grab the hitch and bolts and ... NOT ONE HOLE LINES UP. Not one. To this day I have no idea how I got every one of them wrong. Heh-heh, that wound up being quite the patch job.

------

Edited November 20, 2006 by JDoors

[TheTerrorist_75]

How being a mechanic sucks by Whiskeyman

One winter a buddy's transmission failed while his car was parked on my uncle's front lawn. It was a miserable, steady lake effect blizzard type of day. Amazingly he had a spare power-glide in the back of his '65 Chevy wagon. Fortified by the fact he needed to get to work the next morning and the consumption of several cases of beer we commenced to shovel 4 feet of snow from around his car. During a couple of hours digging and jacking up the wagon we made a few trips into the house to warm ourselves and drink more beer. We then commenced to replace the tranny. Did I mention that is was freaking cold out there?! We worked as steadily as possible with frequent trips inside to warm our hands over the wood fired kitchen stove so the )@=^ wrenches would unfreeze from our stiff unfeeling hands. That simple tranny job took the most miserable 10 hours to complete. Thank you Aunt Donna for thinking of the blackberry brandy at the 8th. hour.

Edited November 20, 2006 by TheTerrorist_75

[garmanma]

I remember about 30 years ago we had a record snow storm that shut down Cleveland for days plus a week of 0 degree temp. I'm in the middle of the drive in 5 feet of snow changing every u-joint on a 63 4WD Chevy panel truck.The darn thing was too big to fit in a garage. My hands were so numb, I don't remember how many times I smacked them with a hand sledge

Mark

[JDoors]

How being a mechanic sucks ...

Oy! Working on cars in the cold, or soaking wet, or in the HEAT (burning your hands ... and other things ... on hot parts). Double-oy!

How 'bout: I have a car up on the rack, working away with a power chisel. The muffler falls off the car and bounces off my face. Ow. I keep working (I'm the man!) until a moment later I feel a trickle of blood. Darn.

I go to the dispatcher to let her know I need medical attention. The look on her face ... I still remember it ... pure horror. Like she'd seen Satan himself.

Uh-oh -- maybe this is pretty bad.

The first medical attention I get is from a nurse, she has that SAME look of horror on her face. Oh MAN! What happened?!?

Seems the muffler just about cut off my nose. It was hanging off my face by a thread of skin. Hey! Now YOU have that same look!

[TheTerrorist_75]

It's a good thing that skin regenerates itself. I couldn't even begin to imagine how many square inches of it I left on vehicles.

I have broken every toe on each foot several times fron dropping heads, transmissions, complete engines and other assorted parts.

I had several ribs broken when a chain broke that was holding an engine while putting it in. The impact broke the car jacks and dropped the car on my chest.

Don't you just love it when a battery explodes in your face or a radiator cap blows off and fills your kisser with extremely hot water?

They say fishermen, loggers and construction workers have the most dangerous jobs. HA!

[JDoors]

...Don't you just love it when a battery explodes in your face or a radiator cap blows off and fills your kisser with extremely hot water? ...

Never had that type of incident. Broke a gas line once & got gasoline all over the place ... The old man of the shop walks over, smoking his perpetual cigarette, drops it on the floor and steps it out. I sweated that one. A guy asked if I could help him, he needed someone to use a sledgehammer on a wedge while he held it and the part. I had to reach through the lift with my arms and swing the sledge at arms length. You can guess what happened. Yeah, on around the fourth swing, my arms getting tired, I hit him in the head! I was SO sorry! Like me with the cut nose, he manned it up and said to keep going.

Ahh ... the list is positively endless, isn't it?

One guy was a great friend, but ... not the sharpest tool in the box. His head was under the hood and he asked me to "bump" the key (turn over the starter briefly). I do so, he goes, "ughgghhghhhhaghghjfjj!" He was holding the ignition coil! Duh! Another time I walked past his bay and the car he was working on had water pouring out of the tailpipe. This should be interesting ... I walk around to the front of the car and he's diligently powerflushing, not the radiator and cooling system, but the crankcase and engine block.

Even after all these years and the somewhat anonymous nature of the Internet, there are still some things I won't admit to having done.

[TheTerrorist_75]

Those immortal words, "When I nod my head hit it."

Flushing the crankcase.

Those are priceless.

I was driving down this back road when I saw a guy in his driveway toss a GM 3-speed standard tranny while cussing up a storm. I just had to stop and aks him what was up. He said he put a new clutch and pressure plate in and had spent two days trying to get the tranny in. I asked if he lined it up and he said, "Sure did!." I asked if he wanted my help and he said screw it the car was for sale and he would let the buyer put it in. I asked how much and his PO'd reply was the first $100 took it. I only had $95 and he said fine. I went and grabbed a buddy and towed the car to the speedshop where I worked.

The car was a '57 210 sedan with a 283 overbored to 301 with 11-1 pistons, 3/4 cam and Offy intake with a Carter 4-bbl. I pulled the new "Ford" clutch plate and put in a new Schiefer clutch disk that was on the shelf. Instead of the 3-speed I put in a Muncie 4-speed tranny which slipped right in with the correct clutch plate. I just had to drive by his house grabbing gears a couple of hours later.

[JDoors]

... I just had to drive by his house grabbing gears a couple of hours later.

Sooooooo mean!

Did I tell this one before?

The dispatcher pulled a ticket off the bottom of the pile, hands it to me and says to, "Take care of my friend." Unusual, we're so busy NO ONE gets bumped ahead, but what-the-hey, it's her friend.

I finish the car and bring the ticket to her. Instead of putting it in the tube (those vacuum tubes that WHOOSH things from place to place, like in drive-through banks) she gives the ticket back to me and says to bring it to the cashier.

That, has NEVER happened. I'm definitely perplexed.

I take it to the cashier, who was busy. When she sees me she says, "Oh! Is that Mr. so-and-so's ticket?!?" She's genuinely thrilled it's here. What is going on here?

At THAT moment, a guy walks up to the window. I look at him, but something's not right. I get NO feeling from him, nothing -- no "I'm in a hurry," no "I'm a nice guy," it's like he's a blank -- a walking dead man actually (looks healthy, just ... I dunno ... like looking at a tree or a rock instead of a living person).

The cashier immediately takes care of the guy (and she's ... umm, usually not that diligent, to put it politely).

It was then that I noticed his lapel pin: "[can't remember the name] Psychic Institute." Whaaaa???

I ask the cashier and dispatcher after he leaves who he was. "Oh, I don't KNOW him, he was just such a nice guy."

Oh, and I don't think it's a "coincidence" that I don't remember his name, the name of the "institute," or exactly what he looks like.

Edited November 23, 2006 by JDoors