How To Deal With Telemarketers

[Naming is hard]

I found this funny, i found it on "Stumble Upon" (Which is a extension for firefox)

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

5. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

6. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

7. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

8. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

9. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh No!!!" and then hang up.

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.

11. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

12. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

13. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a pizza.

14. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

15. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mom?"

16. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

17. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

[TheTerrorist_75]

I just use a handheld air horn.

[thesidekickcat]

I've used a few of these, with some variations.

Another fun one to do is the "good cop, bad cop" routine. Whichever one of us answered the phone, would be nice but say my spouse has to approve of this so please tell them what you have told me, followed by the other one pulling the yelling at them for disturbing our lives by calling our private home at inopportune times.

But my favorite was the one I did when Oregon had it's own "Do Not Call' list. I would be sooooo sweet to the caller, act very interested in the product, company etc, telling them to please give me all their product and company info such as phone # and address, telemarketers company phone # and address and name of caller supposedly for backup purposes in case some aspect of sale or product or whatever went wrong. Then after I got all of that, I would lower the boom on them by first thanking them for being so helpful to assist me in having full information for my report against them to our Attorney General's office for violating the no call list. Then listen to them sputter trying to beg off from being turned in. Laughing all the time at their pathetic excuses. I filled out hundreds of reports, and helped our state get plenty of money in fines from the companies that kept breaking the law. Unfortunately even though it was a money maker for our state, they didn't continue with the state no call law after the Federal Do Not Call Registry was implemented. By the way, whatever happened to all the telemarketers after the Federal list went into force since so many people signed up for it?

Pat

God bless everyone

[Naming is hard]

HAHAHAHAHAH thats good! lmao XD

ahhh isn't it great when we can turn something everyone hates into a fun event?

[xxkbxx]

I've used a few of these, with some variations.

Another fun one to do is the "good cop, bad cop" routine. Whichever one of us answered the phone, would be nice but say my spouse has to approve of this so please tell them what you have told me, followed by the other one pulling the yelling at them for disturbing our lives by calling our private home at inopportune times.

But my favorite was the one I did when Oregon had it's own "Do Not Call' list. I would be sooooo sweet to the caller, act very interested in the product, company etc, telling them to please give me all their product and company info such as phone # and address, telemarketers company phone # and address and name of caller supposedly for backup purposes in case some aspect of sale or product or whatever went wrong. Then after I got all of that, I would lower the boom on them by first thanking them for being so helpful to assist me in having full information for my report against them to our Attorney General's office for violating the no call list. Then listen to them sputter trying to beg off from being turned in. Laughing all the time at their pathetic excuses. I filled out hundreds of reports, and helped our state get plenty of money in fines from the companies that kept breaking the law. Unfortunately even though it was a money maker for our state, they didn't continue with the state no call law after the Federal Do Not Call Registry was implemented. By the way, whatever happened to all the telemarketers after the Federal list went into force since so many people signed up for it?

Pat

God bless everyone

Too much work!

[blim]

My Dad LOVES to play with telemarketer's heads--in fact they haven't signed up for the Do not Call list. My Mom says it keeps him occupied and out of her hair

Ahhh, I'll have to print that out for him

Thanks (uh, I think....?)

Liz

[irregularjoe]

"How To Deal With Telemarketers".

Hunt them down and kill them.

Oh, I thought you were talking about terrorists.

But what really is the difference?

Sorry, I just had about forty calls today.

[Carnevil]

My buddy had the best one, one guy kept calling him, so it finally pissed him and he told him if the called again he'd hunt him down and kill him. The guy hung up and hasn't called back since.

[JDoors]

... Would YOU be my friend?

Love it!

Why do some people think they're exempt from the "Do Not Call" list and the "No Solicitors" sign on my front door (for example, religions & not-for-profits)? I ... do ... not ... want ... to ... be ... disturbed. (Well, in one way, I already am, but that's beside the point.)