One Liners

[martymas]

Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?'

said the do-gooder.

'It's too late,' replied Murphy.

'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one.

'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.

*.*

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months,

my Uncle Joe was hired by a warehouse.

One day he lost control of a forklift

and drove it off the loading dock.

Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head

and said he'd have to withhold

10 percent of Uncle Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked my uncle.

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Uncle Joe.

"I've finally got job security!"

*.*

Oneliners:

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Meandering to a different drummer.

Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.

I'm going to put all my money in taxes. They're sure to go up

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours

Me, a skeptic? I hope you have proof.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around

the sun.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

*.*

As we grow older year by year,

my husband always mourns ...

The less and less we feel our oats,

the more we feel our corns.

In 2006 someone will figure out that the National Debt

has gotten so huge

that no one can even pronounce the number.

It will then be paid off with a 3.9% Visa Card.

When I finished school, I took one of those

career aptitude tests,

and based on my verbal ability score,

they suggested I become a mime.

*.*

The Iraqis are gradually gaining their freedom,

while we're slowly losing ours.

[JDoors]

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

God, I hope I can remember that one ... It's just so ... USEFUL!

[tenmm]

An emergency on your part,Does not constitute a crisis on mine.

[JDoors]

An emergency on your part, Does not constitute a crisis on mine.

ANOTHER one I have to remember darn it.

Today I used a modified version of this type of phrase. A co-worker was trying to tell another something important. The other person wasn't really paying attention.

I said, "It's not that he's not listening, it's just that he doesn't care."