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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a

little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says

aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered

me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly

intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto

your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you

asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook.

You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English

can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with

reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion,

sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You

really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't

afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is,

nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me

for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of

humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands

everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is

delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot

goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't

know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and

the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at

the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her

nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes, Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his

knees and began to kiss her all over...."

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"

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