16 Things That Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn

[martymas]

16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry

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Subject: 16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its

full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can

see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.

That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic

background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person (This is very important.

Pay attention. It never fails.) ?

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals

built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out

of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

[robroy]

[thesidekickcat]

I love Dave Barry's sense of humor! Sure do miss his weekly syndicated newspaper column.

I think he is writing books now, don't know if he still lives in Florida...can't remember what city it was.

Pat

God bless everyone.

[Sir_Siddy]

His books are the best. I have a few of them and they always make me laugh.

[blim]

Brilliant words of wisdom! We're lucky, we still have Dave Berry "re-run articles" once a week in our paper.

Liz

[luvIPA]

Well wanted to to tell you I made it to Lyttelton and took the bus over to Christchurch and enjoyed the visit very much. It was a surprise visit on the way to Antarctica--wer'nt supposed to pay a call but a change of plans at the last minute put us there. Only in Christchurst for a few hours but loved the scenery. People frienly. You live in A great and beautiful country.

If I go back next year will definely give you heads up. Love to meet you.

Steve

Edited April 23, 2006 by luvIPA

[TheTrueDarkOne]

those were pretty good

*always enjoy a laugh at 3:04 in the morning