martymas Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went >>to her place and made love all afternoon.Exhausted, they fell asleep and >>woke up at 8 PM.>>>>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside >>and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.>>>>"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.>>>>"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my >>secretary. We had *** all afternoon.">>>>She looked down at his shoes and said:>>>>"You lying ****! You've been playing golf!" this was sent by a friendand dosent know how to send emails with out the indents marty>>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>The 2nd Affair>>>>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about >>having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always >>wanted.>>>>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father >>rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest >>child he had ever seen.>>>>He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look >>at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around >>behind my back?">>>>The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!">>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>The 3rd Affair>>>>A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. >>Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz >>had the largest private part he had ever seen!>>>>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to >>be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for >>posterity.">>>>So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I >>have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening >>his briefcase.>>>>"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!">>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>The 4th Affair>>>>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the >>front door.>>>>"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner.">>>>She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder >>"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue.">>>>"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.>>>>"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so >>I got one for us, too.">>>>No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband >>got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. >>"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days >>at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.">>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>The 5th Affair>>>>A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.>>>>"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent.">>>>"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.>>>>He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a >>bottle of wine?">>>>"A nickel," the barman replied.>>>>"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?">>>>The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife.">>>>The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?">>>>The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down >>here.">>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------->>The 6th Affair>>>>Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said >>weakly: "I have something I must confess.">>>>"There's no need to, " his wife replied.>>>>"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, >>your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!">>>>"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."> Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubba Bob Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 Nice Marty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jimras Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 Ah yes, Marty.Very good, very good!!jr Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bar5 Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Hey Marty or anyone that is interested, here is a little program that strips those carets <>StripMailDon't worry about warning window that comes up. I have this on my computer for about 4 yrs and it has never hurt it. Just copy, paste, click do it all and voila.BTW good jokes Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martymas Posted February 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 hi barb i know how to do it on my compt but that email came from a lady friendand i have email her to try and get rid of them but i notice her mails come from multi posts.so she must be sending them on however ile send your linkmarty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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