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A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went

>>to her place and made love all afternoon.Exhausted, they fell asleep and

>>woke up at 8 PM.

>>

>>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside

>>and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

>>

>>"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

>>

>>"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my

>>secretary. We had *** all afternoon."

>>

>>She looked down at his shoes and said:

>>

>>"You lying ****! You've been playing golf!"

this was sent by a friend

and dosent know how to send emails with out the indents

marty

>>

>>

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>The 2nd Affair

>>

>>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about

>>having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always

>>wanted.

>>

>>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father

>>rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest

>>child he had ever seen.

>>

>>He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look

>>at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around

>>behind my back?"

>>

>>The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"

>>

>>

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>The 3rd Affair

>>

>>A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.

>>Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz

>>had the largest private part he had ever seen!

>>

>>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to

>>be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for

>>posterity."

>>

>>So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I

>>have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening

>>his briefcase.

>>

>>"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"

>>

>>

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>The 4th Affair

>>

>>A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the

>>front door.

>>

>>"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

>>

>>She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder

>>"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."

>>

>>"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

>>

>>"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so

>>I got one for us, too."

>>

>>No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband

>>got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

>>"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days

>>at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

>>

>>

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>The 5th Affair

>>

>>A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

>>

>>"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."

>>

>>"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.

>>

>>He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a

>>bottle of wine?"

>>

>>"A nickel," the barman replied.

>>

>>"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

>>

>>The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."

>>

>>The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

>>

>>The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down

>>here."

>>

>>

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>The 6th Affair

>>

>>Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said

>>weakly: "I have something I must confess."

>>

>>"There's no need to, " his wife replied.

>>

>>"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,

>>your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

>>

>>"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."

>

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hi barb

i know how to do it on my compt

but that email came from a lady friend

and i have email her to try and get rid of them

but i notice her mails come from multi

posts.so she must be sending them on

however ile send your link

marty

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