To God - From The Dog

[rhema7]

TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel' ~ neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

[blim]

Love it, how true!

17. I will not extend my legs out as far as they go when someone else wants to sit on the couch.

18. I will not turn my 50 pound body into a 200 pound mastif's when being lifted onto the vet's table (how do they DO that?)

Thanks, Preston

Liz

[Chappy]

Thats funny!!

I like #10....heheh...

[thesidekickcat]

That is so funny!!!

#19 I will not move just as my human steps across me.

#20 I will not jump up on that narrow window sill, thereby breaking the window, to wait for my owners to come home.

#21 I will not howl because my owners are late getting home.

#22 I will not eat my owners' slippers and shoes either in fun, or in retribution for them leaving the house without me.

God bless everyone.

[bozodog]

#23 I will not shake my head in front of the TV and spray slobber everywhere.

[Dragon]

#24 I will not go poo on the floor when my human leaves just because they forgot to take me.

/me goes and cleans up the calling card now