bozodog Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 Subject: Today's History Lesson >> >> >> >> History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small >> bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains >> during the summer & would go to the coast & live on fish & lobster in >> winter. >> >> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of >> beer >> and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the >> beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were >> the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: >> Liberals and Conservatives. >> >> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of >> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, >> so while our early ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be >> invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were >> formed. >> >> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night >> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as >> "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled >> at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the >&g! t; night ly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair >> dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement". Some of these >> liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as >> 'girleymen.' >> >> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, >> the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic >> voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives >> provided. >> >> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most >> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by >> the jackass. >> >> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer >> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their >> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. >> Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have >> higher testosterone levels than their men. >> >> Most social workers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group >> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule >> because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. >> >> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide >> for >> their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, >> lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police >> officers, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively >> outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other >> conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or >> nothing. ! They lik e to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with >> the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than >> Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when >> conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West >> was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. >> >> Here ends today's lesson in world history. >> >> >> It should be noted that a Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to >> respond to the above instead of laughing and simply deleting or >> forwarding it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bearskin Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 Amen bozodog. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Brian_Holiday Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 Reminds me of a bumersticker I saw: Vegitarian - Primitive word for a poor hunter.You should forward this to Air America... BH Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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