Getting The Most From Your I.t. Dept.

[rv56]

Getting the most from your I.T. department

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1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it

buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,

dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have

a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse

of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages

from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That

way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to

remember 300 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping

you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail

because your computer won't power on at all.

6. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it

at once. We're just testing.

7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and

spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and

flags it as a rush delivery.

9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's

electronics in it.

10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer

support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call

computer support. We're collectors.

12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T.

person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of

the problem. We love a puzzle.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have

cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

14. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in

a scathing tone of voice : "And just how many weeks do you mean by

shortly?". That motivates us.

15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.

Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to

all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly

what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your

dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were

designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.

20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail

upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin

crumbs and nail clippings in them.

21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes

button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't

be doing it, would you ?

22. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit

uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up.

We don't have any money to speak of anyway.

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about

that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of

professional expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call

I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task,

and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a

professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call

I.T. Support.

26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T.

Support. We love to hack.

27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your

secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to

deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone

as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

29. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller

chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the

queue.

30. When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth

of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief,

you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that

cracks us up no end.

31. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company.

People out in Birmingham like to keep abreast of what's going on.

32. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a

Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.

33. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your

own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the

office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings

and drivers somewhere.

35. In no way do we believe that end-users are ungrateful. It hurts our

feelings that one could even think such a thing on the basis of the

above statements. In truth we wish to express our deepest gratitude

to the hundreds of wonderful end-users portrayed herein, without whom

none of this would have been remotely possible.

We truly love you, end-users, you spice up our lives no end.

[echobay]

Now there's an IT Tech that knows how to vent!

Good one rv!

[marko_tomas13]

Haha those are great, i've experienced some of these

[robroy]

printed a copy for teh IT co we use. They will enjoy it too

[tg1911]

Good ones, rv56.