Another Joke

[macmarauder]

A Catholic priest and a nun were

taking a rare afternoon off and

enjoying a round of golf. The priest

stepped up to the first tee and took a

mighty swing. He missed the ball

entirely and said "Shit, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch

his language.

On his next swing, he missed again.

"Shit, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with

you if you keep swearing," the

nun said tartly.

The priest promised to do better

and the round continued. On the

4th tee, he misses again. The usual

comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says,

"Father John, God is going to

strike you dead if you keep swearing

like that."

On the next tee, Father John

swings and misses again. "Shit, I

missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a

gigantic bolt of lightning comes out

of the sky and strikes Sister Marie

dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

"Shit, I missed."

[irregularjoe]

LOL

Good one Mac.

[Vile_DR]

Funny funny....

[macmarauder]

i've found the church that they attend.

[tg1911]

hahaha!

Good one.

[blim]

Love it, (copy, paste, email) As I say, if God didn't have a sense of humor, He wouldn't have given us one!!! Liz

[Vile_DR]

That is insane...way to much time and way to many legos....hehehehehehehehe

[macmarauder]

here's a few answering machine messages i came across.

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

[Vile_DR]

Some of those are really funny...might be a few suggestions in there for my voicemail...haha