Laying Down The Law

[martymas]

RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bath room. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money

3 Are easier to train

4. Usually come when called

5. Never drive your car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashion

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[JDoors]

If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

I would'a never thought of that one!

[martymas]

me neither JD

marty

[blim]

Every pet owner will say no truer words ever spoken!

To add a couple:

You do not need to do the "Lab Lean" when I'm wearing a black skirt or pants, my friends all know I have a light colored dog without having to display the evidence.

When I sit on the couch with an afghan on my lap, as much as I appreciate you laying on my feet to keep them warm, you do not need do wiggle so the afghan slides off my lap to under your belly

A pile of clean laundry does not need a "doggie topper" It won't float away. No one will steal it. Honest.

When it's thundering, you don't need to attempt to climb up on top of my head, the lap is just fine.

But when I'm upset, I sure do appreciate your snuggles!

Liz

[JDoors]

A pile of clean laundry does not need a "doggie topper" It won't float away. No one will steal it. Honest.

Another funny one.

On a more useful note: When a storm's approaching and you work your way down to the lowest level and farthest reaches of the house, I'm comin' with ya, we'll wait it out together.

[blim]

[quote name='JDoors' date='Nov 11 2006, 11:07 AM' post='83206'

On a more useful note: When a storm's approaching and you work your way down to the lowest level and farthest reaches of the house, I'm comin' with ya, we'll wait it out together.

[TheTerrorist_75]

It took me two years to break my dog from being scared when thunderstorms came through. Now he justs lays on the floor near me and snores in unison.