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hi all

having been out of touch with the board

im not sure if these have been posted before

marty

Pfizer Corp. announced today that V1agra will soon be available in

liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage

suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to

literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new

meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good

old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by

the name of: Mount and Do

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for V1agra. After careful

consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced

that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also

considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and

of course, Ibepokin.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ziploc bags are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see

right

through them.

Copiers are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them

up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons Are

pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A tire is male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A hot air balloon is male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to

light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A web page is female, because it's always getting hit on.

A subway is male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An hourglass is female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A hammer is male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years,

but it's handy to have around.

A remote control is female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But

consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while

he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps! trying!

======================================================================

Two Iranian spies met in a busy restaurant after they had successfully

slipped into the U.S.

The first spy starts speaking in Arabic. The second spy shushes him

quickly and whispers:

"Don't blow our cover. You're in America now. Speak Spanish."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from

Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the

window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs,

and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby

airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the

stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The

stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your

Mom tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "yes she did." "Well, then, you

go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because

Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to

you."

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hi liz

are you multi linguist

i speak two languages

english

and my native tongue

which is called

maori [pollynesian]

tho there are many dialects

i dont know them all

take care

marty

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Nooooo....I botch up the English language fine enough. I took 3 years of Spanish in school (a hundred years ago) and learned some Italian for when I visited Italy (easy, both languages are so much alike)

Had to put on my thinking cap to muster up the response I did :D Still wondering if I spelled "muy" right :D

Liz

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Nooooo....I botch up the English language fine enough. I took 3 years of Spanish in school (a hundred years ago) and learned some Italian for when I visited Italy (easy, both languages are so much alike)

Had to put on my thinking cap to muster up the response I did :D Still wondering if I spelled "muy" right :D

Liz

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