Stupid But True

[martymas]

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the

Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffaloes?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Actual stupid questions asked

The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from

real court records.

Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most

cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until

the next morning?

Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?

A: That's me.

Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

A: I'll be three months on March 12th.

Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at that time?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So, you were gone until you returned?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid

question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honour, I'd like to strike the

next question."

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr.

Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?

A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.

Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?

A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing

an autopsy on him!