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Gerry Haliwell virus:

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AOL virus:

Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

BT virus:

Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AOL virus.

Politically Correct virus:

Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:

Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist virus:

Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:

Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Government Bureaucrat virus:

Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:

Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:

Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Parliament virus:

The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:

You're in Heathrow but your data is in Charles De Gaul.

Freudian virus:

Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Pay As You Go virus:

Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:

Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:

Just does it.

Government virus

Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:

Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Private Health Care virus:

Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for £4,500.


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