Some Jokes I Found

[Potato2k4]

Kennyboy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm.

The night passed slowly and no cars went by.

The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly crept toward him and stopped.

Reflexively, Kennyboy got into the car and closed the door, then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel. The car slowly started moving again.

Kennyboy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. He saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve. Kennyboy started to pray, begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and he would plunge to his death, when just before the curve, a hand appeared thru the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.

Paralyzed with terror, Kennyboy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally, He gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran to the nearest town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of tequila, and told everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized Kennyboy was apparently sane and not drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar. One says to the other, "Look Boudreaux, that's dat idiot what rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain."

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Mens Rules

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining

about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the

tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it

that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do

not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say

it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every

question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's

what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In

fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us

to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the

ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it

done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it

yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,

for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have

no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing, " we will act like

nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the

hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer

you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

. . Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster

trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the

couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like

camping.

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enjoy

[blim]

Good ones, Potato!...ahem, I do NOT have too many shoes!

Liz

[deaf_girl]

Just to keep it equal. And remember, if it has tires or testicles, your going to have problems with it

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!

Edited February 23, 2006 by deaf_girl

[blim]

perfect comeback, Deafgirl!

Liz