Supa Guys

[martymas]

Subject: INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally

killed

and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend

out

of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off

limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is > >>forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for

another

man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly

optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not

the

weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may

ask

&! gt;the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's play ing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought

her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of

flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink o! nly when you're

sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and

only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed

to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see

anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as

spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to

drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must

remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of

yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting

weights:

&g! t;a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:

i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other

situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you

need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer

than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.

Hang up if necessary.

! >24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a frie nd"

have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and

guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the

discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable

! for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,

orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an !

Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's

Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you

really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep ! you

informed, the definition of each is listed below.

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are

you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of

perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ***

and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

[jimras]

I saw this on the Neal Boortz web site..........funny stuff!