Ok

[martymas]

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You know you're growing old when your knees buckle and

your belt won't!

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"That new girl in the typing pool is driving me

crazy!" bemoaned Rich to Ernie.

"That girl is a real mirage."

"Aren't you using the wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A

mirage is

something you can see but can't feel."

"Yeah," came the reply "That describes her exactly!"

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Nina and Jill were talking. Nina said, "I don't think

I'll ever have

a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a

restaurant with

my 10-month-old nephew. I said, 'What do I do if he

cries?'

She said, 'Give him some vegetables.' It turns out

that jalapeno is

not his favorite."

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Q. What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?

A. You don't have to ask - you can see who the best

man is.

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Q. What's the best way to get into a sleeping bag?

A. Wake her up first!

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Did you hear condoms are now being sold with a free

calling card? The

attached instructions say, "If you can't come, call."

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The FDA has approved an implant that treats people for

depression. I

don't know about women, but implants always have a way

of making men

feel a little happier. - Jim Barach

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Men love to watch two women make love. I wonder, does

this turn them

on, or are they just trying to figure out how to do it

right?

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According to Sports Illustrated, a winery is coming

out with a NASCAR

wine. Which will finally answer the question, which

wine goes well

with chili corndogs?

Apparently there are two types of NASCAR wines: Red

neck or the White trash.

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Q. How can you tell that you're getting older?

A. When the only new words you learn end in -ectomy,

-oscopy, or -itis.

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A young man was sitting next to me in one of the two

"husband chairs"

in a ladies' clothing store. After 30 minutes and five

outfits, the

fellow's wife came out of the change room again. He

looked at her and

immediately said: "That looks good on you. Get that

one."

"Honey," she replied, "this is what I was wearing when

we came in."

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The only time you don't need a prenuptial is if he has

no children...

he's got a bad cough and a walker. --Ivana Trump (on

ex- husband

Donald)

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A millionaire informs his attorney, "I want a

stipulation in my Will

that my wife is to inherit everything, but only if she

remarries

within six months of my death."

"Why such an odd stipulation?" asks the attorney.

"Because," he says, "I want someone to be sorry I

died."

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Thought for the Day: It is good to laugh at yourself;

why let

everyone else have all the fun.

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Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet

engines.

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Nobody stands taller than those

willing to stand corrected.

- William Safire-Columnist

__________________

[tg1911]

:lol: