Jokes

[martymas]

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TODAYS RIDDLE:

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What do the numbers 3, 7, 8, 40, 50, and 60 have

in common that no other whole numbers have?

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Here it comes

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When spelled out they each have 5 letters.

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John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.

"Waiter," he shouted, "Didn't you hear me say 'well done'?"

"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter.

"I hardly ever get a compliment."

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A story is told of a Jewish man who was

riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper.

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in

the same subway car, noticed this strange

phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the

newspaper reader.

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"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you

reading an Arab newspaper?"

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Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish

newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being

persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews

disappearing through assimilation and

intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I

switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do

I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control

the media, Jews are all rich and powerful,

Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

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RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MIND:

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I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those

cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford

one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

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You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized

that people didn't like me anyway.

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I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age,

and call it "Pumping Rust."

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I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when

your chest is falling into your drawers!

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I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say,

"Oh, have you got a cat?"

Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

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Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be

notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should

write, "A Good Doctor!"

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A little Yugo car smashed into the rear of a Jaguar

as he made a left turn. The driver of the little car

was furious.

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"Why didn't you put out your hand?" he demanded.

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"What's the point?" shrugged the driver of a Jaguar.

"If you couldn't see my Jaguar, how could you see

my hand?"

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