Ms Expands From The Desktop

[handplane]

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every

aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite

of applications designed for users who engage in sex.

Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug

and play.

It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in

penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two

important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for

a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98,

DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).

A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package.

The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98

Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the

sexual services sector.

Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for startups,

aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.

While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional copulatory

channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to

install the package.

At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum hardware.

If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is

sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation,

operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient

RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect

is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off

your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a

major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the

most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs,

but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be

installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its

drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag,

and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future

releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality,

such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply, and

Onboard Camera.

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about "Our contraceptive

products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to

our customers for years..."

[tg1911]

[robroy]

[echobay]