Recommended Posts

I particularly like #'s 4, 9, 10, and 12.

1. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?

2. How many personal injury lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three one to change the light bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and one to sue

the ladder company.

3. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two

to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their

time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a

secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

4. Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?

Cats keep covering them with sand.

5. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.

They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure outwhich side

to spit on.

6. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

7. How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

8. How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.

9. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could

save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

10. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

11. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

12. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?

New Jersey got first choice.

13. What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue.

14. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.

15. What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

Senator.

16. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your honor.

17. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.

18. What does a lawyer use for birth control?

His personality.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...