Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

[Peaches]

Red Skeleton's recipe

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed!! Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere....

but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested the kitchen

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late

for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it........these were the good old days when humour didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless".

[JDoors]

I definitely have fond memories of The Red Skelton Show. He was like a sweet, funny Uncle who visited every week. The best was when he couldn't keep from cracking up -- funny stuff.

[hitest]

Yep, I remember him well. Red was a very funny man:-)

[garmanma]

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

That is soooo true