Walmart Job Application

[Peaches]

WAL-MART Job Application:

This is an actual job application that a 17yearold boy submitted to Wal-Mart in Florida ... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME

: Greg Bulmash.

SEX:

Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION:

Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:

$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitzstyle severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:

Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY:

A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT

: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:

1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?

If I had one, wouldn't I be there?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50 Lbs.?:

Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the more appropriate question here would be"Doyou have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?

: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?

: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?

: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE:

Aries.

[JDoors]

I often immediately think of literal responses to questions like that. Few people seem to share my sense of humor.

[Peaches]

I would think of answers along that nature but would hesitate to actually put them down in writing.

[irregularjoe]

So what's the joke?

[JDoors]

So what's the joke?

The joke's on you, it's YOUR APPLICATION!

[irregularjoe]

So what's the joke?

The joke's on you, it's YOUR APPLICATION!

I WAS being facetious.

[JDoors]

... as was I ...