martymas Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.To write with a broken pencil is pointless.When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.The dead batteries were given out free of charge.If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.A will is a dead giveaway.Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.A backward poet writes inverse.In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.A calendar's days are numbered.A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.A boiled egg is hard to beat.He had a photographic memory which was never developed.A plateau is a high form of flattery.Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.Acupuncture: a jab well done Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Falcon1986 Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hitest Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 LOL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bobbynichols Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Good list... updated "Swifties"... cool. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martymas Posted February 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 hi bobby yes the english language is a bit tricky at timeshere in the south pacific we have out own version and some times i forget when posting to the boardsi need to use uniform language and foreget the way we say and phrase words and sentencesi have to appoligise as some times i forget and ramble on but many examples you have in your post are familiar to me the ones i sent in was sent to me by a friend in florida marty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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