Irish Humor

[martymas]

hi ime a fan of irish jokes

hope you enjoy

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

" What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. " So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. " Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

" I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" " It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall .

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

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[blim]

Oh, definitely passing those on, Marty, thank you! I know an Irish-Canuck who will appreciate those

Happy St Patricks Day.....a wee bit early. But this is GOOD--give us more than a month to glean a good collection!

Liz

Edited February 10, 2008 by blim

[sultan_emerr]

Good ones, Marty.

I'm a fan of New Zealand Jokes.

Did you hear the one about the New Zealand farmer and the sheep?

It seems like that ..........(Edited Out).

What????

Edited February 10, 2008 by sultan_emerr

[hitest]

Awesome, marty!!

[martymas]

Good ones, Marty.

I'm a fan of New Zealand Jokes.

Did you hear the one about the New Zealand farmer and the sheep?

It seems like that ..........(Edited Out).

What????

hi sultan

nz jokes are quite suttle and dry

i think jokes around the globe are different from each other

like the gay sheep whos name was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaasel

marty

[JDoors]

... a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.

Hil-AR-ious! (And pretty much true. )

[SBN]

Hehe very funny! I know a few of these but there all good .