Man V Woman

[martymas]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!--------------------------------------------------------------------------

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to

purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a

television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I

figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can

take boiling hot wax,

> pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be

> afraid

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his

wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and

wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's

Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales

girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is

looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a

huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for

your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the

store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of

tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An

earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to

concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and

pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the

wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a

day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be

because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to

his wife and asked, "Huh?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and

so beautiful all at the same time.

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you

would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee

each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we

don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should

do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that

the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at

the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each

other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he

would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business

flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a

piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she

would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he

had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife

hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper

said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of

contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft

before the masterpiece

[blim]

Ohhhh, I'm gonna remember the remote control one :D

Liz