Never Lie

[jimras]

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a free day

and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to a golf course in

the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and

asked the pro if he could get on.

"Sure," said the Pro, "What's your handicap?"

Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a

bit. "Well, its 16," said the businessman, "But what's the relevance

since I'll be playing alone?"

"It's very important for us to know," said the pro, who then called a

caddy. "Go out with this gentleman," said the pro, "his handicap is 16."

The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his

handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large rifle;

again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.

They arrived on the 1st hole, a par 4. "Please avoid those trees on the

left," said the caddy. Needless to say, the businessman duck-hooked his

ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out

when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead

from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle

smoking in his hand. "That's the mamba, the most poisonous snake in all

Africa. You're lucky I was here with you."

After taking a bogey, they moved to the 2nd hole, a par 5.

"Avoid those bushes on the right," says the caddy. Of course, the

businessman's ball went straight into the bushes. As he went to pick up

his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy's rifle once more and a

huge lion fell dead at his feet. "I've saved your life again," said the

caddy.

The 3rd hole was a par 3 with a lake in front of the green. The

businessman's ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to

the edge of the water. To take a shot, he had to stand with one foot in

the lake. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile emerged from the

water and bit off much of his right leg.

As he fell to the ground bleeding and in great pain, he saw the caddy

with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcernedly. "Why

didn't you kill it?" asked the man incredulously.

"I'm sorry, sir," said the caddy,

"this is the 17th handicap hole, you don't get a shot here."

That's why you should never lie about your handicap

[JDoors]

(Not a golfer ... only a vague idea what the "joke" is ... )

[martymas]

im no golfer

but i tried to be one

when i first started i pride my self

hitting the longest shot on the local course

on a par4 i could see the hole between two trees

so i hit it up and over the trees

and the ball is still going

it didnt come down

we didnt find it

so i gave the game up

to expensive having to use a new

ball every time you have a shot

marty

[JDoors]

... i gave the game up, too expensive having to use a new ball every time you have a shot

marty

Now THAT is funny!