Famous Quotes

[martymas]

ubject: CLEVER QUOTES.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."

-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me, and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.

-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people only once a year.

-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

-- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

-- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

-- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

-- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

-- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

-- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

-- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

-- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation . . . as you grow older, it will avoid you.

-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty . . . but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

-- Billy Crystal

[Potato2k4]

Haha very good!

[blim]

I loved Eleanor Roosevelt's!!

Thanks, Marty

Liz

[JDoors]

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

-- Mark Twain

I've always like this one and have actually used it in conversation.

And just in case anyone is ever offended by a joke here:

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

--G. C. Lichtenberg

[sultan_emerr]

Famous quote from Sultan_Emerr::: "I'd bend over backwards for Kristina."