martymas Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Oh, CanadaNow that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 winter Olympics, the following are some questions people all over the world over are asking.These questions (and answers) about Canada were actually posted on an international Tourism Website.Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)A: Depends how much you've been drinking.Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)A: So its true what they say about Swedes.Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)A: Let's not touch this one.Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)A: What, did your last slave die of?Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)A: No, WE don't stink.Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)A: Yes, gay nightclubs.Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)A: Only at Thanksgiving.Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare it by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
handplane Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 marty,Did you send this to TK? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
robroy Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 laughing so hard that my eyes are watering. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martymas Posted June 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 marty,Did you send this to TK?<{POST_SNAPBACK}>no not yet i posted here first i wanted chappy to see it he is a canadian they have plenty of humor marty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rv56 Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Good one Marty..... eh....!!Polar Bears in the streets.... ...are they kidding....we have to fight them for beach space all summer.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martymas Posted June 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 heres another i flogged from billmallensonEvery day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at thecoffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hairsmells nice After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes hercomplaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that shewants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The HumanResources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexuallythreatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blim Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Good yarns aboot Canada, eh? Liked the second one, too, thanks, Marty!Liz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tg1911 Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
handplane Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Some midgets have all the fun!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bozodog Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Oh my, oh my.... How funny.... To think I lived just across the river from Windsor for most of my youth... Always wondered what was so different about the Canadians. Ha! Now I know......... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vile_DR Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 That is just too funny... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
echobay Posted June 14, 2005 Report Share Posted June 14, 2005 Oh those clever Canadians... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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