garmanma

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Posts posted by garmanma

  12. Things to think about

    in The Comedy Club

    Posted

    1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

    2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

    3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

    4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

    5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

    6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

    7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

    8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

    9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.

    10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

    11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

    12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. - Like this: It could be the right number.

    13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning.

    14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap.

    15. Be careful about reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

    16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

    17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies !

    18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.

    19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!

    Always be yourself. Because the people that matter, don't mind. And the ones that mind, don't matter.

    Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

  16. Hijack This

    in Open Chat

    Posted

    One of the project managers for HJT has contacted Bleeping Computer saying that they are revamping it and asking for suggestions

    He was pretty gung-ho for a while but I haven't seen much of him lately

  19. Drew's World

    in Open Chat

    Posted

    He's probably having server problems and doesn't know it.

    He has been real busy for a while. Plus he had his grandson for a month

    The last time I talked to him (about 2 weeks) his mother in law just died

  23. More Db Jokes

    in The Comedy Club

    Posted

    A married couple were asleep when the phone rang

    at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone,

    listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles

    from here!' and hung up.

    The husband said, 'Who was that?'

    The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know

    if the coast is clear.'

    --------------

    Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the

    sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror

    and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

    The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

    So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

    The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

    ---------------

    A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and

    buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the

    door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really

    angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is

    overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

    The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

    The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

    ----------

    A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

    She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .. I know 'em all.'

    A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

    The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'

    ----------------

    Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

    A: 'Is it mine?

    ------------

    Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US

    Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what

    Roe vs. Wade was about.

    Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision

    George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .

    ------------'

    Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked t o find her house

    ransac ked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and

    reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,

    and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

    As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde

    ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then

    sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come

    home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do

    they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!

    _________________________

  24. Extra Money

    in The Comedy Club

    Posted

    A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

    She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to

    do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. How much will you charge

    me?" The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?"

    The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

    The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch

    goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it? The wife replied,

    "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by

    e-mail lately."

    A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?"

    the husband asked. "Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

    "And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."